Progress on My Three Words

Heal, Support, Balance.

Those are my words this year to focus on in response to the challenge from Elena at Just.Be.Enough.

I am doing great making progress with two and failing miserable with the third. I’m sure my closest friends and family could tell you exactly which one that is!

I know that I am healing… although I still have some pretty miserable days. It always strikes when it is least expected. But being an Ambassador mom for our local March of Dimes region has helped me tremendously. You can read more about that experience here. Through my fundraising efforts, speaking to groups, and telling our story, I feel closer to Kathryn. I also know that I am doing something to raise awareness for prematurity, Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome, and hydrops-fetalis. It has actually been a gift to me to be able to throw myself into this project that is helping me heal.

But on the other hand, it makes the problem child, “Balance” even more difficult for me. Because all I want to do round the clock is get out and make a difference, volunteer, lobby, advocate, fundraise, find a cure!

That combined with the writer’s bug that I have is not making it easy for me to find a good sense of balance between my own needs and the needs of my small children. Small children have many needs! I often fear that one day my children will look back and complain that I was a better mother to my dead daughter than to the three living children. That is where I need to focus my progress in the balance arena. Making sure my children are always the first priority. That is not always an easy task.

Kathryn (Photo credit: Stephen Gough)

I also need to work on progress in the “support” element. I am full of support for the loss community, the TTTS community, and the organizations that I have chosen to give my full backing to, but I have wondered lately if I am supporting my loved ones well enough. When was the last time i sent a card or a care package to someone I actually have met in person? Not to say that the things that I do voluntarily for strangers are not important, because they are vital, but I need to do better at supporting the people that have supported me over the years as well.

The thought occurred to me that I have been slacking off in this department the other day as I wondered why no one was responding to my requests for walkers and donations on my March for Babies team.

I realized that in many ways, Facebook no longer really connects us, but allows us to operate in a bubble in which we believe we are connected to hundreds of people but really have no idea what is going on in most peoples lives. I only see the newsfeed for about 5 people consistently, so why would I think that the whole world would be completely in touch with my requests and needs? When was the last time I went to someone’s page and read down their page, looked at their pictures, commented, and engaged? (Well, actually it was yesterday after I had this epiphany!) So in the upcoming months I am going to focus on supporting the people IN my life as well as the people that I am helping through the grief or advocacy communities.

I suppose it’s a good thing that it is only the beginning of April so that I still have more than half of the year to continue working on these things! I am linking up with Just.Be.Enough for “Making Progress in your 3 Words Journey.”

And just as I had three words, I also have THREE winners from my “moving in!” celebration! Congratulations to the following 3 lovely ladies:

Marie O. is the winner of “The Magical Toothfairies” DVD and book!

Kerry R. is the winner of the free One Hour Blog Consult from Julie DeNeen at Fabulous Blogging!

And Dana is the winner of the 30 Days of Muchness Cards from Finding My Muchness!

I will be in touch with all of you soon!

Pres. Roosevelt’s grandaughter visits First Coast to support March of Dimes

Author
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katbiggie

Freelance writer at Kat Biggie Press

Alexa B, who blogs as "Kat Biggie" is a wife, mother, and writer. She has three children and one in heaven. She recently self published a book entitled "Sunshine After the Storm: A Survival Guide for the Grieving Mother" which is available on Amazon. She blogs about life after the loss of one of her twin daughters to TTTS, motherhood, all things parenting, advocacy, grief support and social good.

Latest posts by katbiggie (see all)

What to say when a baby dies ; words of comfort - October 31, 2019
Try listening to her, not fixing her – October 15th - October 15, 2019
Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Book Bundle - October 3, 2019

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Comments

Chris Carter says
April 1, 2013 at 12:21 am

Well I am up “catching up” and I can honestly say, I don’t know how you do it all!! Balance… I can only imagine how difficult it is for you as active as you are in so many arenas, to figure out how to juggle all the balls you feel so passionate about. Bless your heart for trying!!! I do know that your children will look back and see a mom who desires good. And they will know that their mom gave her everything for all she loves, hopes for, has faith in, and deeply honors. I believe that is enough. And somehow, you will find a way to love and nurture every wish and every dream in your heart and tugging at your leg. 🙂 You amaze me Alexa!
Chris Carter recently posted…At Every Turn…

- katbiggie says
  April 1, 2013 at 7:02 pm
  
  That gave me serious warm fuzzies! Thanks Chris. Seriously, I feel like I have been failing tremendously, so thank you for those kind words. Today I took my kids to the zoo and we had FUN! I can balance!
  
Kerry says
April 1, 2013 at 12:22 am

Sounds like you are doing a lot of soul searching, and that’s a good thing. It’s easy to get sucked into all things social and blogging and volunteering, but maybe you can set time limits and boundaries to ensure you always carve out time for you kids and support network. I think it is amazing though how you are channeling your grief to do so much positive. I admire that so very much.
Kerry recently posted…Can Blogging Hurt my Corporate Career? I Sure Hope Not!

- katbiggie says
  April 1, 2013 at 7:03 pm
  
  Oh my goodness are you right??? I could spend all day on Social media! Now the volunteering wouldn’t make me feel bad a bit, but there are some other things that I could do better on. I think I did really well today! Managed to do family time, housework time, and writing time! I am tired! 🙂 Thank you for your sweet words Kerry.
  
Janine Huldie says
April 1, 2013 at 7:23 am

I am so proud of all you have accomplished and you know even though I didn’t lose a child that I too struggle with balance. I think it is a mother thing in general. Trust me I am constantly worrying that I am not doing enough for my kids. So, yes I can totally relate there and thanks for the update!!
Janine Huldie recently posted…Easter Bunny Footprints, Bikes and New Dresses, Too!!

- katbiggie says
  April 1, 2013 at 7:04 pm
  
  Janine don’t you think that sometimes as SAHMs we feel guilty if we ever do anything that is just for us? I know I do. And then I wonder if I’m making them as crazy as my parents made me! Love you girl!
  
Sue - The Spin Cycle says
April 1, 2013 at 8:47 am

Is this my first time commenting here? Shame on me. I’ve followed LiteralMom Missy’s “3 Word” journey and have enjoyed learning about yours. The “support” one is hard as a blogger, right? Just like you said…I’m all about support for my blogging friends, and that sometimes cuts into my support of my own loved ones who are right in front of me. Thanks for the reminder. 🙂
Sue – The Spin Cycle recently posted…I’m at Sverve!

- katbiggie says
  April 1, 2013 at 7:06 pm
  
  Hi Sue! I think you may have commented at my old blog (I am so very sorry I can’t say I remember exactly!) I appreciate you stopping by and Missy is a rock star! Yes, support is hard as a blogger. Somehow my friend Janine has managed to make time to blog and comment on about 300 blogs every day. Now she is awesome! You are welcome for the reminder! Today I am prepping a care package for two loss moms… not just writing on the internet! 🙂
  
Marie Oliveira says
April 1, 2013 at 1:12 pm

Balance is a really hard one. I really struggle with that one. I keep thinking it will get easier once Eliza is weaned and walking. But then I feel like I’m not living in the moment and enjoying her enough.
Marie Oliveira recently posted…Meal Plan Monday – Week 13 – 4/1

- katbiggie says
  April 1, 2013 at 7:08 pm
  
  Gosh, I can’t imagine how you would have any difficulties finding balance with being a blogger AND homeschooling four kids???? I know what you mean about feeling like we aren’t living in the moment. I’ve often thought it is so unfortunate that the time when our children are the most precious is also the same time that we are absolutely drained of energy! When I get to heaven, I have some design flaws I’d like to talk to God about! 🙂
  
another jennifer says
April 2, 2013 at 9:43 pm

As mothers, I’m not sure we ever feel like we are doing enough. It is funny how we get sucked into these other worlds and forget about real life people sometimes. Guilty here!