Two days ago (December 10th) was my twins’ first Birthday.
Only one of them was here for us to celebrate with.
Today is the one year anniversary of sweet Kathryn’s death. We had her in our world for 52 hours.
I am struggling greatly to find the balance between gratefulness, happiness, and grief so strong it threatens to destroy everything around me.
But I know Kathryn would want me to choose happiness. To love her brother and sisters, her father, and to live a full life in her honor and in her memory.
I made this video to honor both of my girls. And to help me with my grief.
The only thing I know how to do now and for her is to continue to spread awareness, to hope we will one day find a cure, and to fight for the babies in order that they may have a chance.
Dear Kathryn –
Today is your “Angelversary.” I will always cherish those days we spent together, just you, me, and Tiny in the hospital. I will always appreciate the fact that you stayed around long enough to make sure your teeny little twin was going to make it. We know you did that for her.
The moments I held you before you left us will for ever be some of the most precious memories in my heart. You were such a beautiful baby. I will never forget your perfect little nose, hands, feet.
I can feel you with me. I can feel your love. I see you through your sister.
I will always love you and I will always hold you in my heart.
I will always be the mother of four, and I will always be the mother of twins.
Until we meet again,
Love,
Your mommy
katbiggie
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Anonymous says
December 15, 2012 at 2:08 amThanks for sharing. You are strong momma. I will pray for you and your family..
Kat Biggie says
December 15, 2012 at 5:02 pmThank you!
Jennifer Hall says
December 15, 2012 at 5:18 pmOh so beautiful. So precious. Tears running down my face for you. You are a strong mom. (((HUGS)))
Kat Biggie says
December 15, 2012 at 5:20 pmThank you!
Kate says
December 15, 2012 at 5:33 pmI’m sorry for the loss of your beautiful daughter. You ARE a strong mom. Wishing you and your family peace.
Kat Biggie says
December 15, 2012 at 7:33 pmThank you so much Kate!
Kat Biggie says
December 15, 2012 at 7:34 pmI am having issues with the blogger/intense debate comments sections. These comments were posted on intense debate and disappeared once the blogger comment section popped in…
Comments:
galitbreen @ No Holding Back – 52 Hours 1 day ago · 0 replies · +1 points
Ohmygoodness, girl.
So many tears for this gorgeous, stunning, heart-full tribute.
Happy birthday to your sweet girl.
I’m honored to remember her in this way, in any way.
My recent post BabbaBox {Crafting & Learning with Kids Made Easy}
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Alison @ No Holding Back – 52 Hours 1 day ago · 0 replies · +1 points
Oh Alexa, I am sitting here, crying. What a beautiful, poignant video and your letter, just heartbreakingly beautiful. I’m ever so sorry for your loss.
Happy 1st Birthday to your little girl.
Thank you for trusting us with our memory, and for sharing it with us for Memories Captured. xo
My recent post Beauty Is A Light In The Heart…. And Other Things
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@TheMommyMess @ No Holding Back – 52 Hours 1 day ago · 0 replies · 0 points
Oh wow. I’m so touched and honored that you would share this beautiful and heartbreaking part of your life with us. Thank you. I’m so sorry for your loss. Typing through tears, and sending prayers for peace. That song is beautiful and reminds me of my dear friend her miscarried in her 8th month. You have a beautiful heart for your children that shines through. Thank you.
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katbiggie @ No Holding Back – 52 Hours 2 days ago · 0 replies · +1 points
Thanks Chris!
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katbiggie @ No Holding Back – 52 Hours 2 days ago · 0 replies · +1 points
That is one of the sweetest things I have ever read~ thank you!
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katbiggie @ No Holding Back – 52 Hours 2 days ago · 0 replies · +1 points
i love this. Thank you so much!
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Chris Carter @ No Holding Back – 52 Hours 3 days ago · 1 reply · 0 points
You are in my thoughts and in my prayers as you celebrate and grieve all at once…
My recent post You Are Equipped…
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ddbigwarfe @ No Holding Back – 52 Hours 3 days ago · 1 reply · +1 points
I believe that this is how she would reply to your letter….
Daddy, please don’t look so sad, Mama, please don’t cry-
cause I am in the arms of Jesus and He sings me lullabies.
Please, try not to question God, don’t think he is unkind.
Don’t think he sent me to you, and then He changed his mind.
You see, I am a special child and I am needed up above.
I’m the special gift you gave Him, the product of your love.
I’ll always be there with you. Watch the sky at night…
find the brightest star that is gleaming, that is my halo’s brillant light.
You’ll see me in the morning frost that mists your window pane.
That’s me in the summer showers. I’ll be dancing in the rain.
When you feel a little breeze, from the gentle wind that blows, that’s me
planting a kiss on your nose.
When you see a child playing and your heart feels a little tug, that’s me,
I’ll be there, giving your heart a hug.
So Daddy, please don’t look so sad, Mama don’t you cry.
I am in the arms of Jesus and He sings me lullabies.
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ddbigwarfe @ No Holding Back – 52 Hours 3 days ago · 1 reply · +1 points
I thought of you with love today, but that is nothing new.
I thought about you yesterday and the day before that too.
I think of you in silence. I often say your name.
But all I have are memories and your picture in a frame.
Your memory is my keepsake, with which I’ll never part.
God has you in His keeping. I have you in my heart.
I shed tears for what might have been. A million times I’ve cried.
If love alone could have saved you, you never would have died.
In life I loved you dearly. In death I love you still.
In my heart you hold a place no one can ever fill.
It broke my heart to lose you but you didn’t go alone
for part of me went with you, the day God took you home.
Elena Sonnino says
December 17, 2012 at 12:04 amWhat a beautiful sentiment and letter— thank you for sharing!
Kat Biggie says
December 17, 2012 at 5:47 pmThank you Elena!