I have always been a bit socially awkward. Not weird, just unpolished. I often stick my foot in my mouth or I blurt out things without thinking. Basically I have no filter. Oh and I have a very strange laugh when I’m nervous.
Since losing an infant, this problem has grown worse. Now I make others feel awkward too. It is not intentional.
My conversations with a stranger now go like this:
“Nice to meet you. What do you do?”
Me: “I’m a stay at home mom.”
“Oh. How many children do you have?”
Me: (Pause… stranger looks at me like I’m a weirdo because this should be the easiest question I get all day) Finally I saw “Well, I have four children, but I really only have three because one lives in heaven.”
Pause. “Oh, uh… um.. I am so sorry for your loss!” Or something along those lines and an expression indicating they feel awkward and wish they hadn’t gone down that road. Shuffling of feet…
Then I feel awkward for making them uncomfortable.
Silence…
I usually fill the silence with something completely inappropriate like: “It’s okay though cause I drink a lot.”
OK, so now I’ve gone from just being awkward to being awkward and an alcoholic. Social services will probably be paying a visit soon.
The other night I was started down a similar path, but luckily my dear friend came to my rescue. We were at a girls night out and I made a comment about when the “babies were born.” A woman I just met looked at me, her face lit up and she asked “You have twins???”
I replied. “I did. I don’t anymore.”
Silence.
Where do you go from here?
She looked at me with a stunned expression, no one said a word, and my friend blurted out “But we have Tiny and we sure do love her!!” And the conversation rapidly changed topics.
Friends, strangers, I do not share this with you for pity. I simply want you to know two things.
First, I am more than OK talking about Kathryn. I want to remember and honor her, so it does not make me feel uncomfortable to talk about her. So you shouldn’t feel uncomfortable talking about her either.
Two. I understand the topic of death and loss does make many people uneasy. Especially strangers. I am not trying to make you feel awkward. I just come by it naturally.
If you don’t know what to say to someone who has lost a baby, you might want to check out this post: The “Magic Words” When Someone Loses a Baby.
katbiggie
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Sue @ WubBooMummy says
June 7, 2013 at 3:26 amI didn’t want to read and run, even though it is difficult to find something appropriate to say in response. I would probably have the same reaction as everyone else. Your daughter may not be with you, but it’s right that she should be acknowledged when you talk of your children. Keep doing what you’re doing.
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Stacey says
June 7, 2013 at 12:59 pmAll of your children should be acknowledged, whether they are here on earth with you or up in Heaven!
Stacey recently posted…Grand Theft Auto
Kat says
June 8, 2013 at 12:17 amI think sometimes we develop really morbid sense of humors in response to tragic loss as a way to cope. Thank goodness for good friends who swoop in and take care of us. I have a few of those too. 🙂
Kat recently posted…Things That Make Me Blush