Change of Plans

Today did not go at all how I planned.

Isn’t that typical?

The day really started off by a series of bad decisions yesterday. I let my Tiny take a nap at 5pm, thinking she’d only sleep an hour or two. She slept til 10pm. By that point, I was several glasses of wine down and watching the Bachelor. So, I got her some dinner and let her curl up on the couch with me, where we both passed out fell asleep at about 11:30.

I was awakened by warm pee (hers thankfully!) on me at about 2am. Stumbled around to get us changed and cleaned up, and settled back down. But she did not go into her room where I usually lock her away close the door so that she’s not coming into our room between 3am and 4am.

So guess who was in the room at 3am? And then at 4am? Jelly Bean. Four of us crammed in the bed. Jelly Bean curled right into my back. My neck already hurt from falling asleep on the couch and my head was pounding. And then at about 5am Tiny, who had taken a nice 5 hour nap the evening prior, was ready to be up and engaged in interaction.

Got her some milk, turned on Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, and tried to go back to sleep.

It wasn’t happening.

Everyone was a delightful crabfest this morning. I tried to do some yoga – per my plan for this year – but couldn’t bend over without fear of upchucking. Jelly Bean was not cooperative this morning and wouldn’t get out of the stupid bath tub, we were 15 minutes late to preschool drop off, which make me almost 30 minutes late to the new Bible Study I was starting today. Top it off I somehow, like someone with dementia, completely forgot where the church was located and had to backtrack! Hangovers are rough when you’re 38!

The Bible Study was lovely. I have been struggling a lot with my relationship with God lately – which was actually supposed to be the topic of a really deep, moving post that I never wrote today. I’m excited to be joining some friends of mine in what looks to be a fantastic study of Malachi. But even as I sat there – head pounding – I just had a bad feeling.

As I gathered my little one from childcare and left the study – heading toward my dad’s apartment because my older sister asked me to check in on him – my phone rang. It was my younger sister, calling to tell me that the place he lives was concerned about him and he was going to be transported via ambulance to the Emergency Room downtown.

So, we turned around, grabbed some fast food, and headed to the Emergency Room.

The great coordination happened at this time. I called the preschool to ask them to add Jelly Bean to extended care. I called several other friends to arrange for someone to take her a bag lunch and potentially take her home if I wound up needing to stay at the hospital. I made back up plans for my son’s transportation.

This isn’t our first rodeo with dad. He’s had several strokes, TIAs, a massive heart attack, and more than a couple trips to the ER. I’m now a pro at pawning off my children to respond to my ailing father.

In the few quiet moments I took as I scarfed down my lunch – which was not gluten free – because I had no time to work around that, I wondered if this was another false alarm, or if this was the real deal. No matter how annoyed I get at having to rearrange all my plans to be there for my dad, I just want him to be well. I think it’s easier to be irritated than it is to be truly scared and worried.

I watched the ambulance pull up and Tiny and I were able to meet dad. He definitely looked weak and disoriented, but it didn’t appear to be life threatening. I relaxed a bit.

Then we waited.

I don’t love sitting in an emergency room full of sickies with my immuno suppressed preemie – even if she is three. But, that’s what we did.

You do that for your parents and loved ones.

My sister G met us at the ER, and, after visiting briefly with my dad – who was very weak and confused, but seemed okay to me other than that – and his very cutie patooty doctor (finally our ER got a McDreamy!) I took my child and went to get the other kids.

The good news is, dad seems to be okay and this could have been a reaction to new medicine.

The bad news is – all my plans for the day were thrown way off and now I have a bunch of things to catch up on. And once again, I didn’t get to the pharmacy to pick up my anti-depressants.

But I’m okay with that. I’d rather have my dad.

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katbiggie

Freelance writer at Kat Biggie Press

Alexa B, who blogs as "Kat Biggie" is a wife, mother, and writer. She has three children and one in heaven. She recently self published a book entitled "Sunshine After the Storm: A Survival Guide for the Grieving Mother" which is available on Amazon. She blogs about life after the loss of one of her twin daughters to TTTS, motherhood, all things parenting, advocacy, grief support and social good.

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