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1000 Voices for Compassion #1000Speak

February 19, 2015 By katbiggie 5 Comments

When the phone rang the other day, I didn’t expect the news I received. It was my younger sister calling to tell me that she had bad news. Her dog had undergone a little procedure to pull a tooth and did not make it out of surgery. Not only was she sad about losing her pet of 14 years, she had no idea how she would break the news to her 8 year old son. The dog was his buddy.

My heart hurt for my nephew, but also for my sister. It’s a terrible thing to watch your child in pain. It’s a terrible thing to watch them try to understand death.

My children know far too much about death. But I think that is a good thing. Because they understand how to show compassion to someone who is grieving.

compassion, #1000speak

When my son (who is only three months younger than my nephew and the two of them are like brothers) came home from school, I told him the news. He was very sad for his cousin W. I asked him if he wanted to call W. and cheer him up. My son (who is one of the most sensitive and compassionate children I know) immediately agreed.

I dialed the phone and handed it to him. I walked into the other room so that I could listen without it being obvious. Bug, in his sweetest little voice, began telling W. that he was sorry Cooper died. He was sorry that he was sad and he wanted him to know he was sad too. He told W. that he wanted him to come over and they could look at pictures together and remember when Cooper was alive.

While I wanted to cry, I was also very proud of my little man. My sister had to take the phone back because my nephew was crying so hard, but I heard Bug say “I love you” before he hung up. And then he came into the living room, looked at me and the tears started flowing.

We hugged and I told him that I understood how difficult it is to see the people you love suffer. Through his sobs he uttered “He wasn’t even a person!”

No, he wasn’t. But he was beloved all the same.

I’m glad I had my son call his cousin. I’m glad he had the opportunity at a young age to comfort someone while grieving. This is an act of compassion. Even though Bug didn’t love the dog the same way W. did, he knew that his cousin was hurting, and he wanted to help.

Too many times people are afraid to say “I’m sorry” to someone who is grieving. Too many times we run away from the griever instead of showing the compassion that they so desperately need.

Not my children. The greatest gift I can bestow on them is compassion. Compassion for themselves, and compassion for others. Not just when someone is grieving, but when they are hurting or sad, confused, lonely, make bad choices or choices that we don’t understand.  I don’t believe compassion is something that is innate. I believe it is learned. By experience or by example.

This post is part of the #1000Speak initiative, an idea by two bloggers to flood the internet with stories of compassion and kindness, rather than the bad news we see every day. Please help us share and use the hashtag #1000Speak. Visit the Facebook page 1000 Speak for more information.

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katbiggie

Freelance writer at Kat Biggie Press
Alexa B, who blogs as "Kat Biggie" is a wife, mother, and writer. She has three children and one in heaven. She recently self published a book entitled "Sunshine After the Storm: A Survival Guide for the Grieving Mother" which is available on Amazon. She blogs about life after the loss of one of her twin daughters to TTTS, motherhood, all things parenting, advocacy, grief support and social good.

Latest posts by katbiggie (see all)

  • What to say when a baby dies ; words of comfort - October 31, 2019
  • Try listening to her, not fixing her – October 15th - October 15, 2019
  • Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Book Bundle - October 3, 2019

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Filed Under: Do Good Feel Good, grief Tagged With: Compassion

Comments

  1. Chris Carter says

    February 19, 2015 at 10:30 pm

    Oh bless your little guy’s heart!!! What a precious heart he has, and I’m so sorry poor W has to endure this loss!

    I love how you shared this story to exemplify how we need to tend to those who suffer through loss… be there with them, through it- in it- and simply do what little bug did.
    Chris Carter recently posted…Help A Mom Out! THIS is Compassion.My Profile

    Reply
    • katbiggie says

      February 19, 2015 at 10:32 pm

      That’s right! Through-it and in it! He does have the sweetest of hearts. Please Lord, I pray that never is taken away.

      Reply
  2. Janine Huldie says

    February 19, 2015 at 10:38 pm

    Alexa, I just wanted to reach through my phone and hug Bug. Seriously, what a wonderful and truly compassionate thing he did by calling his cousin during this emotional and trying time. You definitely are a great mom and can tell where Bug gets this from.
    Janine Huldie recently posted…Sisters Helping Sisters With Compassion #1000SpeakMy Profile

    Reply
  3. another jennifer says

    February 22, 2015 at 10:10 pm

    We used the same quote! Not really surprising, is it? 🙂 Bug did such a great job showing support and compassion. He certainly has learned a lot from his mom!
    another jennifer recently posted…Philanthropy Friday: What Compassion Means to Me #1000SpeakMy Profile

    Reply
  4. Tamara says

    February 23, 2015 at 11:05 am

    Ohh!!! That Bug. What an awesome thing to do and say. As an adult, sometimes I freeze up but it seems like my kids know just what to say. I remember when my grandmother passed away last summer at age 100, and Scarlet was trying so hard to understand. (she was only 4) She understand that my mom was deeply grieving and she went to make a beautiful card for her Nana.
    Tamara recently posted…Ditch the Tripod – Sharp Handheld Photos Every Time.My Profile

    Reply

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