Gratitude

Tweet I have been thinking about this particular post and wanting to write it for so long, but the right words seem to elude me… but I do not want any more time to pass before I express my sincerest and deepest gratitude to those friends, family, and strangers who went out of their way to love us, care for us, pray for us, and ultimately shepherd us through the darkest days we have ever faced.

For awhile, I thought I might be avoiding writing this post because actually taking the time to thank everyone for all of their help and support makes it real. As if perhaps I can still wake up from the nightmare if I continue to avoid the subject.

However, as I have thought about it over the last few days, I realized the “realness factor” is not the reason I have been dragging my feet. The real reason is that I can’t find the words… I cannot express my feelings in the simple words “thank you.” That is just not adequate. How can I possibly express the depth of my gratitude to family, friends, and even strangers who helped us in our worst moment, who made sacrifices for us, who took care of us, loved us, prayed for us, held us… saved us???

How can the words “thank you” ever be enough for my sister who put her life on hold and moved in with my family for over two months to care for me, my children, my husband? How can they ever be enough for my other sisters, my sister-in-law, my mom, and other friends who gave up time, even took time off of work to come help us out? Or for the pastor who visited me once or twice a week the five weeks I was hospitalized?

How is it enough for my dear friends and family who visited me in the hospital, brought me meals and treats, brought me things to brighten my dreary days… massaged my feet, cared for me, checked in on my families?

“Thank you” is just not good enough for all of the people who prayed for us, sent cards and packages, made us meals, called me, gave us gifts of so many kinds.

It’s just not enough… simply not adequate. The words “thank you” cannot possibly express my deep love and gratitude to our long time family friend and his wife who dropped everything to speed to the hospital and baptize our dear sweet Kathryn as her hours were getting short.

More than a “thank you” is needed for our family and friends who booked expensive flights or drove long distances or even short distances to be here by our sides as we memorialized and said goodbye to our daughter.

“Thank you” does not come close to capturing the deep appreciation to the complete strangers that sent cards, letters, meals, donations… love.

How will I ever be able to show my appreciation to my husband who stayed by my side, kept strong for me, held me, cried with me, selflessly visited me every morning and every night for five weeks, all while working, taking care of our other two small children, completing his last class for his MBA, and taking care of everything else (with the help of our small army of loved ones!)

I have been humbled in a way I never knew possible.

My eyes have been opened to the goodness that exists around me, and not for one moment will I EVER doubt that I am loved or cared for or surrounded by the most amazing support network. So, although it doesn’t feel like quite enough:

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katbiggie

Freelance writer at Kat Biggie Press

Alexa B, who blogs as "Kat Biggie" is a wife, mother, and writer. She has three children and one in heaven. She recently self published a book entitled "Sunshine After the Storm: A Survival Guide for the Grieving Mother" which is available on Amazon. She blogs about life after the loss of one of her twin daughters to TTTS, motherhood, all things parenting, advocacy, grief support and social good.