One of my favorite radio shows is Stand Up! with Pete Dominick. I started listening to this show several years ago when we bought our van and had our 3 month free trial of Sirius XM. I soon became addicted and couldn’t wait to get in my car for my evening commute so I could listen to him.
Pete is special. He is a Comedian with a love for politics and social issues. He talks about things that matter, topics that people should care about in the world. Every show leaves me contemplating issues and viewpoints I had never considered, and every show challenges me.
Pete is well read and is constantly sharing books and articles that everyone should read to broaden their knowledge and understanding. He is open to all view points, but simply insists if you are going to make a case for something, it needs to be based on facts, not on gibberish or opinion.
Pete Dominick (Photo credit: PunchlineMagazine)
No generalizations. Bring the facts, and you will be heard, regardless of your side of an argument.
I love it. In the two years I’ve been listening to Pete Dominick, my world has been opened up to issues and topics I never considered. I have learned about health care policy, veterans affairs issues, the war in Afghanistan and current issues, gun control, legalization of pot (or not?) the LGBT issues, spirituality and religion, hunger issues, humanitarian issues, and so on and so forth. He brings in incredible guest speakers and experts on the topics and has a real two way conversation.
I can honestly say that I am changed because of this radio program.
One of my favorite quotes comes from Pete each day as he closes his program: “Be the Change you want to see in the world.” Is there any better advice out there??
So what does this have to do with happiness?
This morning on the show he quoted one of his previous guests. The guest was a holocaust survivor who said something along the lines of “Happiness comes from a sense of purpose and meaning in life.” (This is very loosely quoted, because I cannot remember his exact quote… but something like this!)
The quote struck me because over the last few weeks I have been re-examining many personal issues and this quote sums up what I have been trying to make sense of in my own life. I believe that, like this quote states, in order to be happy, I must have a sense of purpose and I must have meaning in my life. I need to be doing something meaningful. And for some reason, I didn’t realize that being a mother in the here and now, being a good wife, friend, sister, daughter, etc are some of the most meaningful and purposeful roles out there.
I haven’t been able to come to that conclusion until very recently.
Since Kathryn died I have thrown myself from one big project into another… with no real direction or even purpose, other than my work with the March of Dimes, which gives me both direction and purpose. But in my attempts to find happiness and to feel fulfilled, I have done some silly things.
I didn’t think that being “just a stay at home mom” was enough. I needed a project, a business, a “something” more. For example, I bought a whole crap ton of jewelry making supplies (never having made a piece of jewelry in my life) thinking that I would start making and selling jewelry. I have yet to touch any of the supplies, except the wire cutters, which I used when I cut the flowers for my lovely fall wreath.
More recently, I decided I was going to make cloth diapers. Thank God I stopped myself short of buying the embroidery machine that I thought I could learn how to use to embroider cute patterns on my diapers. Of course I would set up an Etsy shop and just have immediate success. The package of materials for the diapers is in a pile on my desk. Hopefully I will make at least one cloth diaper before Tiny is potty trained!
On the other hand, I have avoided more important elements, such as organizing, cleaning, getting rid of the clutter (things that are important to my husband)… and most importantly, being a PRESENT mother.
Then last weekend my husband and I had a big blow out. And although he has been telling me the same things for months, I finally heard him. But it took a phone call to my best friend in the world, who knows me better than anyone and also knows my husband, before I truly GOT what he was saying.
Although I’ve been searching for my own sense of purpose and meaning to find happiness, I have been neglecting the most important purpose in my life right now – my role as wife and mother. In the most ironic twist of all, I, the mommy blogger, have been having a more intimate relationship with my computer than I have been with my children and husband. I have been so self absorbed that I have been missing what is right in front of me.
So over the last week I avoided the computer. I didn’t post regularly, I didn’t get on Facebook or Twitter, I didn’t check my email.
Instead I played in the yard with my children. I caught up on yard work. I sorted through some of the clutter (ok, there is a lot left to be done there!!) I sold some things, donated some things, and am trying to simplify my life. I went on a field trip with m
y son and didn’t take out my phone, other than to check the time. (Thank you Chris for that suggestion of being in the moment!)
And life has been GOOD. We have been happy.
Ironically, while I was “being in the moment” Tiny managed to face plant in the dirt from her swing that was four feet off the ground and I had to take her to the doctor – but she is ok! (She was strapped in! I swear!)
I spent time with my daughter and enjoyed her very first dance recital. And I wasn’t worried about what I hadn’t posted or how many blog posts I needed to read and comment on.
I felt happy.
This by no means is a post to let you know I am ending my blog or my writing. Writing is also a way in which I find a sense of purpose and happiness, and I still have a lot of work to be done in bringing awareness to TTTS and other important issues for mothers, babies, and children.
However, I am going to take a step back. The world will not end if I do not post every day.
Rather, I am going to focus on my real purpose… my time as mom to little ones who need me. My time as a wife, to a husband who needs me.
“Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.”
― Dalai Lama XIV
katbiggie
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Eeah says
May 13, 2013 at 11:22 amLove it! You have an amazing purpose In life! God has blessed you with a husband and three beautiful children to love. What a calling! I love your writing, but you will have time for that when your kiddos are grown… And a whole lot more material! Haha! I’d rather you posted once a week or month if it meant you were living fully present with your family… <3
katbiggie says
May 13, 2013 at 11:28 amThanks Eeah!
Janine Huldie says
May 13, 2013 at 11:24 amAlexa, I could totally relate to this post and even had a a huge fight with Kevin recently about just this. I have since started to walk away from the computer on weekends and slowly doing this more during the week, too. Because you are right I was so concerned about this and forgetting the most important parts of my life, too. It gets so addicting though and have just like you decided to take that step back at times for my husband and kids, too. By the way, glad Tiny is Ok.
Janine Huldie recently posted…Mother’s Day Surprise and So Much More
katbiggie says
May 13, 2013 at 11:28 amThank you Janine! I know we will benefit more in the long run from this decision!
Pary Moppins says
May 14, 2013 at 1:30 pmI too have taken a step back from blogging on weekends (unless it is previously scheduled) for this very reason. I try not to be on the computer while my peeps are home so that I can focus on them rather than a screen. We all need this reminder from time to time.
Pary Moppins recently posted…Pin It Tuesday
katbiggie says
May 15, 2013 at 9:45 amexactly! Sometimes it’s hard for me to keep my priorities straight, cause I’ll get an idea and all I want to do is run with it, but I’m trying to get better at my choices!
Dana says
May 14, 2013 at 1:47 pmGood for you Alexa! I have very similar feelings in regards to blogging. If I feel pressured to spend time reading blogs and networking, I remind myself that I started this thing because I wanted to – not because I had to. If I feel obligated and have to take time from my family to do it, then my priorities are mixed up. What’s the worst that can happen? I have less page views? So what. I’m working on being a present mother too, because my children will only be home with me for so long.
Thank you for this post! I’m going to check out Pete Dominick’s show too 🙂
Dana recently posted…Kids and Profanity – WTF?
katbiggie says
May 15, 2013 at 9:44 amExactly Dana! That is EXACTLY the same thought that crossed my mind the other day. I don’t HAVE to post. It’s not like the world will stop turning if I do not post every day or go read every other blog post out there! I’m so glad to know that I’m not alone in this sentiment! And you should check out Pete!
Kerry says
May 14, 2013 at 2:21 pmI love this post, and can totally relate. I’ve really enjoyed getting into blogging, but as I’ve learned through this past year, it can be a real time suck. It’s ironic that many of us our writing about motherhood and our families, but the computer and writing and commenting can take us away from being present. It’s so easy to look at the stats and want to get better and draw in more people, but I find it’s impossible to keep up. I do try to write and comment when my kids are in bed, or when I have some down time at home or work, but I want to be more present. My list of things to do keeps growing, but I know I’ll only have this time with my kids once. How do people do it? Let me know if you find that perfect balance. 🙂
Kerry recently posted…Yes, I’m an Introvert – And That’s OK
katbiggie says
May 15, 2013 at 9:42 amOh I promise to share the secret if I figure it out, as long as you promise the same! 🙂
another jennifer says
May 14, 2013 at 8:20 pmI’ve been finding the need to disconnect more as well. Life has been going fast for me lately. Sometimes it’s best to ignore everything else and just hang with the family. It’s that “meaningful” word that’s important. Funny, that word has been coming up for me as well. Cutting out the clutter, for me, is also all the extra noise in life. Sounds like I need to be listening to Pete too!
another jennifer recently posted…Building a Decent Place to Live: My Habitat for Humanity Experience
katbiggie says
May 15, 2013 at 9:42 amHe’s awesome! And yes, I am really trying hard to cut out the clutter as well! easier said than done!
Christine at More Than Mommies says
May 16, 2013 at 9:14 amI could really relate to so much in this post, Kat! Every few months it seems, my husband and I have a similar “blow out.” I’m not proud of it, but I know I need the reminder from time to time. As a stay at home mom, sometimes it’s difficult to feel relevant–writing and blogging do fill me with a sense of purpose–but it shouldn’t be at the expense of most everything else in my life.
On a side note–I love when the universe lines up and sends you the message you need to hear.
I must check out that radio show…I wonder if he podcasts?
Christine at More Than Mommies recently posted…Finals Week vs. Motherhood
katbiggie says
May 17, 2013 at 8:44 amThank you very much for that honest comment. I’m glad to know that I’m not the only one who has this struggle. I was starting to think maybe I just really was selfish! But I think it is normal to want to do something more than just change diapers and clean the house and play peekaboo and hide and seek, right? I don’t know if he Podcasts, if you find out let me know! I always only get to hear about 1/4 of his show, and I’d love to listen to the whole thing every day! I’m so excited I’ll be meeting you in person tomorrow!!! 🙂
Jen Stults says
May 28, 2013 at 4:15 pmI remember when I first realized that my work in our home WAS my purpose. We were going through the Purpose Driven Life at our church, and I remember reading something along the lines of: worship is what we do in the everyday moments. Thus, washing dishes can be an act of worship. Changing diapers. Listening to my husband. Anything that is good and pleasing to the Lord is an act of worship on my part, no matter how mundane. It really changed my perspective on my “ministry” in the home! I still don’t like doing dishes, but now I can often do them with a happy heart as an act of worship. Thanks for sharing!
Jen Stults recently posted…Be a Transformer
katbiggie says
May 28, 2013 at 4:35 pmThat is so very true. When you look at it that way, it’s hard not to think of every moment as meaningful! Thank you for stopping by and commenting!
Sherr says
May 28, 2013 at 11:49 pmAmen sistah!! I hear you =) I’m learning to live ‘in the moment’ as a stay at home momma, but also accepting the pleasure I get in writing and reading and all the other facets of me as well…allowing myself to enjoy all of the above w/o the self-induced pressure. Anyway, I love hearing you share the same sentiments. Thanks for sharing! =)
Sherr recently posted…Rain Therapy
katbiggie says
May 29, 2013 at 10:53 pmThank you so much! It felt good to come to the realization and I’m trying really hard to live my life this way!