I Didn't Know... - No Holding Back

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For 32 days I lay in a hospital bed, miserable, sad, depressed, completely uncomfortable. I did not know what a blessing that time was.

For 32 days I listened to your heartbeat, felt you move, sat in silence with you. I watched you on ultrasounds, I talked to you. I had you and your twin sister all to myself. No interruptions. No activities to distract me. I did not know that would be almost all the time I got with you.

For 30 weeks and 5 days I carried you in my womb. I did not know that I would only hold you once. That I would only see you for 2 days.

I did not know I would never hear you cry.

Darling daughter. I did not know that the one time I would hold you would be as your life left your little body.

For two days we watched you struggle. For two days you blessed us with your presence. I did not know you would be gone after only 52 hours.

I did not know I could love you so much after such a short time.

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katbiggie

Freelance writer at Kat Biggie Press

Alexa B, who blogs as "Kat Biggie" is a wife, mother, and writer. She has three children and one in heaven. She recently self published a book entitled "Sunshine After the Storm: A Survival Guide for the Grieving Mother" which is available on Amazon. She blogs about life after the loss of one of her twin daughters to TTTS, motherhood, all things parenting, advocacy, grief support and social good.