Peace Like a River

When I say the title of this post, I can’t help but humming the hymn “I’ve got peace like a river, I’ve got peace like a river. I’ve got peace like a river in my soooooouuuul.”

But in reality, I don’t.

This week and month really, I haven’t had much peace at all.

But for some reason, this hymn has been echoing in my mind all week long. Maybe a sign that I need to find ways to seek more peace. Maybe a hint that I’m once again overwhelmed, over committed, and stressed to the brim.

I don’t know. But I do know this. God is trying to talk to me. Before you check out and label me as cuckoo, I started this post in the middle of the week. I didn’t get very far because, well, I’m over committed and overwhelmed. Sit tight for a sec and I’ll explain why I think God is trying to talk to me.

One of the things on my plate this week was to prepare and deliver frozen meals to my friend Rachel. She has had a rough few years. Stillborn baby boy at 38 weeks, followed by an ectopic pregnancy which led to the loss of an ovary, and then she was able to get pregnant again, with another BOY! She had a great pregnancy, but after delivery, her c-section became infected, then abscessed horribly, multiple times. She had to have them drained and go through all kinds of uncomfortableness, antibiotics, and general malaise. For FOUR months. She hasn’t been able to drive or life anything heavy.

My heart just hurt terribly for her. I know how hard it is to have a newborn and medical complications. She also has a four year old daughter at home as well. Her husband had already missed as much work as he could, and she was on her own.

So I asked some friends to make a dish that could be frozen and I would collect them at church on Sunday.

Sunday rolled around and I really had NO desire to go to church. I have been struggling – not necessarily with my faith, but rather IN my faith, if that makes any sense? And it’s a big challenge for me to get all three kids ready and off to church, with them begging to stay home with daddy or screaming about how they don’t like church. And up until we got Bug on medications for ADHD, he would kick and scream when I left him for Sunday school.

Sunday morning I was again debating on whether I could just arrange to meet after church to pick up the food. After all, I was behind on my school work, I have deadlines that are either fast approaching or over due, and I am so tired. I’ve been battling pretty bad Lupus flare ups lately as well.

But, the guilt factor kicked in. I pledged to raising my children in the church when they were baptized, and I take that commitment seriously. It’s my job to provide them their religious education as children. So, we went through the rushed routine and got everyone to church. Amazingly, all three kids were easy this week. Bug sat quietly next to me and participated in the service. I was very proud of him.

And then I turned to the second page of the bulletin and there it was. Our second hymn: I am so not even joking when I tell you it was “I’ve Got Peace Like A River.”

WHAT?

That’s the second week in a row that I’ve had this experience. I haven’t even gotten a chance to write about last week, but I will.

Something is tugging at me.

A message is meant to be heard.

Can I push aside enough of the daily insanity to hear it?

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katbiggie

Freelance writer at Kat Biggie Press

Alexa B, who blogs as "Kat Biggie" is a wife, mother, and writer. She has three children and one in heaven. She recently self published a book entitled "Sunshine After the Storm: A Survival Guide for the Grieving Mother" which is available on Amazon. She blogs about life after the loss of one of her twin daughters to TTTS, motherhood, all things parenting, advocacy, grief support and social good.

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