Premonition or Self Fulfilling Prophecy?

Or maybe just straight up coincidence? Perhaps. But I’m not sure I really believe that much in coincidence any more. Although I don’t understand why certain things happen at the time, it seems that later, when I look back, I can see exactly how things came to be.

I’m getting ahead of myself!

A few years ago, before we were trying for our 3rd child (which became 3rd and 4th!) I had the strangest dream. Although I do not remember the details as clearly as I did, the gist of it is this. I was in a very dark garden and I had my two children with me and another baby (maybe two, I can’t remember if that is a true detail or something my mind has added after the fact) that I didn’t recognize. I was fighting evil spirits. Not in a “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” kind of way, but we were just being relentlessly attacked by these evil spirits, and I was battling them to keep them away from my children. I just kept fighting and fighting, until I just felt like it would never end.

So I started to give up. I remember thinking “I can never win this, why am I fighting?”

And just as I almost completely stopped fighting, I heard the message. “Don’t give up. Dark times are ahead, but do not give up on your faith.” So, with a renewed energy, I continued to fight. And with a new support, I won.

It was the strangest dream, and at the time, I had absolutely no idea what it meant. I thought maybe I was feeling guilty because I had not been taking my children to church on a regular basis, and I did not feel as though I was giving them the spiritual upbringing that I promised to do through the sacrament of Baptism.

But later down the road, after losing Kathryn and I, lost in my grief, teetered on the edge of severe depression, I was reminded of the dream. Could it have been a premonition? A visit from an angel or even a message from God? A forewarning that even through tough times, HE has my back?

I don’t know, I suppose I’ll never know. But it doesn’t stop me from thinking about it. And wondering…

Have you ever had a dream that, in hindsight, you believe was some sort of premonition?

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katbiggie

Freelance writer at Kat Biggie Press

Alexa B, who blogs as "Kat Biggie" is a wife, mother, and writer. She has three children and one in heaven. She recently self published a book entitled "Sunshine After the Storm: A Survival Guide for the Grieving Mother" which is available on Amazon. She blogs about life after the loss of one of her twin daughters to TTTS, motherhood, all things parenting, advocacy, grief support and social good.