Rest in peace Robin Williams. I truly mean that. I hope you have finally found the quiet you desperately needed. I pray that your desperate action will help and save countless others.
I couldn’t sleep last night.
My mind just could not stop thinking about that moment in “Dead Poet’s Society” when the boys climb on their desk in support of their teacher, who was played by Robin Williams. “Oh Captain, my Captain” they stated. It was a scene forever burned in my brain. The moment when people decide to stand up for someone else, even though it may come with personal consequences.
When I learned last night of Robin Williams’ suicide, all I could think about was all the good and greatness he has brought into our world. The hours of entertainment he has provided me, from the time I was a small child watching “Mork and Mindy” with my family to his most recent role in the TV show “The Crazy Ones” and so many memorable movies and TV shows in between.
I was heartbroken. I am heartbroken.
Some people call suicide an act of cowardliness. We wonder how they could possibly do this to their family and friends. We call them selfish.
Yet few of us truly understand the depth of pain and despair that someone feels when the only option they can find for peace and stillness in their lives is to take away their own life.
When, to that person, the only option to quell the pain, is death.
Upon hearing the news, I immediately thought of my friend Nathalie. Her mother committed suicide a few years ago, and I knew this news would likely have a big impact on her. She wrote about this event today on her blog in a post called Depression and Suicide. The part that really resonated was a quote from her mother.
“I just wanted to end this pain, it had nothing to do with you or anyone else” – my mother’s words when we were talking about her previous attempts.
“I know grief would be hard at the beginning but it will get easier with time,” she added… I shook my head in disbelief. She must be out of her mind.
Nathalie Himmelrich
And that’s the crux of it.
For some people, their pain is so tremendous. It’s even more shocking when it happens to someone who is so full of “funny” and brings so much happiness to others.
Celebrities and important people die all the time. But I’m REALLY broken up about this one.
Depression is scary… I can’t think of another actor who has been in my life since my earliest memories. Who has made me laugh hysterically, sob like I would never recover, and think about the deepest of topics. And the fact that someone made us laugh so hard was fighting such a terrible inner disease.
It worries me tremendously that someone with so much affluence and reason to live and access to health care and medication could still not escape the inner darkness.
What does that mean for those suffering from #depression that do not have those resources?
If you are reading this and you have found yourself unbearably sad, depressed, and hurting, please PLEASE reach out to a crisis center, friend, doctor, anyone. PLEASE let someone help you.
RIP Robin Williams.
May your death be a wake up call to the #mentalhealth crisis in our country. And you will be terribly missed.
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Janine Huldie says
August 12, 2014 at 9:19 amI know I am still in shock myself over his untimely death and yes I do get it, but still it just seems so illogical that I am a bit at a loss for words still, because I can’t wrap my brain around it. But still, I thank you for sharing your thoughts and even putting out this call for help if anyone out there is in need. Seriously, you are just a treasure and wonderful person Alexa and proud to call you my friend always.
Janine Huldie recently posted…Mean Girls Cat’s Got Claws
katbiggie says
August 12, 2014 at 9:21 amThanks Janine. I am also really having a very difficult time wrapping my mind around it. I mean, I get it. I get the pain and the depression and sadness. I have been there. I have been to the point where I felt like dying might be the only solution. But this one… this man… I just can’t comprehend it. Thanks for your sweet words.
another jennifer says
August 12, 2014 at 11:11 amIf anything, this loss will shine a light on mental illness. It is not a weakness, and those who suffer are certainly not alone. I’ve worked in the behavioral health field for 10 years now. It kills me that there is so much stigma. Help is out there and recovery is amazing!
Chris Carter says
August 12, 2014 at 11:59 amMy heart is aching too… and you said this so beautifully. Depression is an ugly beast that battles for your soul. I hate that it wins- leaving us all in the wake of despair and grief.
RIP to a mighty man, full of brilliance, light and may the gifts he bestowed on us all live on…
Chris Carter recently posted…“Enough” By Kate Conner Review and Giveaway!
Lisa @ The Golden Spoons says
August 12, 2014 at 4:47 pmSo, so sad. I have never dealt with depression and simply cannot imagine the anguish that leads someone to think death is the best or only solution. I agree that it is very scary that someone of his status was not able to get sufficient help to deal with the darkness. If anything good at all can come from it, maybe it will make people (like me) realize that even people who seem supremely happy & funny, can be struggling with darkness deep down inside.
Lisa @ The Golden Spoons recently posted…Inside My Closet {#TuesdayTen Linkup}
katbiggie says
August 14, 2014 at 11:37 amI can only imagine the pressure he felt to “stay funny” on the outside, because that’s his role… when clearly he hurt so deeply.
Tamara says
August 12, 2014 at 9:01 pmMy parent’s friend killed himself when I was 15 and I remember the impact it had on my family, and his wife and two young daughters.
I understand a bit more as an adult and I would never be one to call it selfish.
I just feel so sad for the pain he was in and for his loved ones.
And of course, for the world.
It got a lot less funny in this world yesterday.
Tamara recently posted…Breathing Room.
katbiggie says
August 14, 2014 at 11:36 amYes, I totally agree. I think it’s really hard to imagine how bad it must be inside someone’s mind for them to do this, despite knowing what it will do to their friends and family. It’s terribly sad.
Jess H. says
August 13, 2014 at 9:26 pmThis is such a true post. I don’t care much about celebrities and their goings on, but Robin Williams’ death really bothered me for numerous reasons. I’ve grown up with him and he has brought me so much joy through his acting. It is truly sad that he will not be a creative, comedic force any longer. This also bothered me because he seemed to have it all: fame, fortune, family, and a career that people dream about. He had whatever resources that he needed at his disposal. However, he was in such pain and so desperate for relief that he believed the only way out was to commit suicide. Suicide is absolutely tragic and my heart breaks for him and his family.
Jess H. recently posted…Is Vacation Worth This?
katbiggie says
August 14, 2014 at 11:35 amYou echoed my sentiment exactly. It’s a true tragedy.
Nathalie Himmelrich says
August 14, 2014 at 9:26 amMy mother and father had this conversation, where he said: “People who commit suicide are cowards.”
After her first attempts I asked her: “So, how is it really?”
She said: “It takes courage. See, I wasn’t able to complete it, it takes so much courage.”
This is not to make it sound admirable. It takes courage and despair at the same time to perceive it as the only option to end the pain.
I have come to complete acceptance of my mother’s choice. This however does not make it less sad for me to live without her presence in our lives.
Nathalie Himmelrich recently posted…Grief Reflections – Topic ‘The First Year of Grief’
katbiggie says
August 14, 2014 at 11:35 amMy heart is with you and anyone who has suffered through losing a loved one this way.