• Who is Kat Biggie?
    • My Other Sites
  • Kathryn’s Story
  • My Books
    • Lose the Cape
    • Meltdowns Book
  • Products I Recommend
    • Product Reviews
    • Book Reviews
  • My Writing Elsewhere…
    • My Writing
    • I Have Guest Posted Here!
    • Advertise/PR
    • Disclosure Policy
    • Find Me Here!

No Holding Back

Living With Purpose

  • Momvocate
    • Children’s Health
    • Motherhood
    • March of Dimes
    • activism
    • Call to Action
    • ADD/ADHD
    • TTTS
    • Maternal Health
    • Newborn Health
    • Prematurity
    • Do Good Feel Good
      • Philanthropy
      • Social Good
  • Healthy Body
    • Children’s Health
    • Health
      • Gluten Free
      • Recipes
    • Fitness
    • Healthy Environment
      • green living
    • TTTS
  • Healthy Mind
    • Healthy Mind
    • Depression
    • Healthy Spirit
  • Grief/Bereavement Support
    • grief
      • Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month
    • infant loss

When all that’s left is laughter

July 14, 2014 By katbiggie 7 Comments

laughter

I hugged my friend’s brother tightly and for what seemed like forever before we dropped our embrace.

“We have to stop getting together like this!” I told him. “It better be like 100 years before we do this again!”

We both laughed nervously. “We’ve already made a pact,” he said, gesturing toward his sister. “We’re not going anywhere.”

This was our 3rd funeral in 2 years for their immediate family.

First, their sister J passed away at just 38 years old. She had been fighting ovarian cancer since being diagnosed at 30.

Then, just 5 months later, their mother, who had been in excellent health, died very unexpectedly and tragically, leaving us all heartbroken. I always wonder if the stress of her daughter’s passing was the cause.

Photo credit: All You Magazine

Photo credit: All You Magazine

 

And now, after months of poor health, my friend’s father also passed away. Definitely of a broken heart.

While not completely unexpected, it was still faster than imagined. And it left my dear friend, EV, and her brother, reeling with yet another death, another funeral to plan.

And it left all of their friends and family stunned and not knowing what we could do.

Except be there for them.

We gathered together this weekend to honor and remember their father, but more so to comfort and encourage our friends. In the last two years, they have gone from a happy family of 5 to a family of 2 + EV’s husband.

And at this point, all we could do was laugh.

And drink. There was plenty to drink. Which aided in the laughter.

Seriously.

It felt wrong, but it felt so right as well to laugh.

The situation is just so stupidly unfair, that laughter seemed about the only response we could make.

We talked about how the body does weird things during times of stress and sadness, and how I will just laugh (in this weird, not normal laugh) or say something stupidly awkward. And everyone in the group agreed that they do the same. So then I felt a lot less self conscious about worrying about what I said or did.

After all, I was surrounded by my life long friends, and they all felt just as awkward about dealing with this awful situation as I did.

So, we told funny stories. I told them about the poor cashier who was just trying to make small talk as I checked out with the stuff I was bringing over for the get together after the visitation. He commented on all the sweet tea I had. “That’s a lot of tea. You must be having a party!”

“Not exactly,” I replied. “A funeral.”

His face fell, and I could see him struggling to find the next words. And he was mortified after he said “I guess you have to drink for the dead too.” I reassured him that I was not offended as he struggled… I could see the look on his face. “Did I really just say THAT??” I empathized, because I have said similar things when searching for something to say in an awkward moment.

Everyone laughed as I retold the story. We made jokes about completely inappropriate things. EV was telling us about something that happened at one of the other post funeral get togethers, and she couldn’t remember if it had happened at her mom’s or her sister’s. She said “We do this so often, it’s hard to keep it straight.” When we fought back the laughter, she said “go ahead… laugh. It is crazy.”

She is amazing.

She is strong and poised and classy. And the fact that she can still choose to find the joy in life… it humbled me.

EV told me the best part about having her friends there by her side was not that we helped set out food and clean up, but that we made her laugh. And she needed and wanted laughter. She would be sad on her own time, but with us, she wanted happiness.

And I guess that would be the point of all of this rambling on and on.

Not to make you sad.

Not to talk about death.

But to talk about life. And friendship. And love.

And laughter.

When you’re in a time of desperation, you can choose to drown, or you can go the other direction.

Choose laughter.

Choose life.

 

 

Related Posts

  • When all that's left is laughterWhen all that's left is laughter
  • Bacon Wrapped Tuna SteaksBacon Wrapped Tuna Steaks
  • Goat Cheese & Mushroom stuffed chicken breast {21 Day Fix}Goat Cheese & Mushroom stuffed chicken breast {21 Day Fix}
  • Hand and foot and mouth… oh my!Hand and foot and mouth… oh my!
  • Child Abuse Prevention {Momvocate}Child Abuse Prevention {Momvocate}
  • All I Know is PainAll I Know is Pain
  • Author
  • Recent Posts

katbiggie

Freelance writer at Kat Biggie Press
Alexa B, who blogs as "Kat Biggie" is a wife, mother, and writer. She has three children and one in heaven. She recently self published a book entitled "Sunshine After the Storm: A Survival Guide for the Grieving Mother" which is available on Amazon. She blogs about life after the loss of one of her twin daughters to TTTS, motherhood, all things parenting, advocacy, grief support and social good.

Latest posts by katbiggie (see all)

  • What to say when a baby dies ; words of comfort - October 31, 2019
  • Try listening to her, not fixing her – October 15th - October 15, 2019
  • Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Book Bundle - October 3, 2019

katbiggie on Google+

Related

Filed Under: Life Tagged With: friendship, health, laughter

Comments

  1. Janine Huldie says

    July 14, 2014 at 11:15 am

    Well said Alexa and I know that both my family and Kevin’s too are firm believers in celebrating the life not death when someone dies in our own families. As hard as it may be we are truly firm believers in this. But still your story about the cashier definitely had me smiling at the absurdity and craziness of it all. I mean you are right we need to live and laugh as much as possible even through the good and the bad times, too.
    Janine Huldie recently posted…Swallow for The Perfect Anniversary CelebrationMy Profile

    Reply
  2. another jennifer says

    July 14, 2014 at 1:35 pm

    What a sad situation for your friend. But she needed you there and she needed to feel some joy again. Not many friends can step it up like that. Kind of puts things in perspective, doesn’t it?
    another jennifer recently posted…Last I checked, July is too early for back to school shopping.My Profile

    Reply
  3. Katie @ Pick Any Two says

    July 14, 2014 at 6:51 pm

    When my sister-in-law died in March at the young age of 19, my family spent a good bit of time looking through old photos and talking about her life and our memories of her. Many of them were quite humorous, and we laughed a lot! It was the saddest time, and yet laughing felt so good and so right. I’m so sorry for your friend’s losses, and I can see how laughter was a gift in these moments.
    Katie @ Pick Any Two recently posted…Are You Causing Your Toddler to Misbehave?My Profile

    Reply
    • katbiggie says

      July 15, 2014 at 8:57 am

      What a tragic loss! 19! Yes, laughter is necessary, I believe, to survive.

      Reply
  4. Ginny Marie says

    July 15, 2014 at 9:36 am

    I was just at the funeral for my 48 year old cousin–colon cancer. It’s so heartbreaking, but all us cousins also laughed a lot as we celebrated Mark’s life.
    Ginny Marie recently posted…Your Spin Cycle Prompt {week of 7/14}My Profile

    Reply
  5. Tamara says

    July 15, 2014 at 11:19 am

    My grandparents told me that laughter was the best medicine. They said that before they both passed away and I did try to laugh a lot. I always do. It was hard, but it was important to me.
    Tamara recently posted…The Little Girl Who Lost Her Name.My Profile

    Reply
  6. Dana says

    July 15, 2014 at 5:30 pm

    I’m so sorry for your friend’s losses, Alexa. I’m glad she has friends like you, and that she has chosen to hang on to those lifesavers. Laughter is definitely one of them.
    Dana recently posted…Summertime and the reading is easyMy Profile

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

CommentLuv badgeShow more posts

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

You Liked These Best

  • Words To Say When A Baby DiesWords To Say When A Baby Dies If you're here, you're probably struggling for the right words…
  • From Couch to 10K in one month!From Couch to 10K in one month! Yes, you read that right. Couch to 10K in one…
  • Let Them GrieveLet Them Grieve My husband hit it right on the head today. "I…
  • Does preschool really need to be a fashion show?Does preschool really need to be a fashion show? Every day we walk into preschool and I try to…
  • I Did Not Medicate my Child Because I am a "Lazy Parent" - Recognizing Signs of Mental Health Issues in ChildrenI Did Not Medicate my Child Because I am a… Mental Health Issues in Children are a Real Issue May…

Don’t Miss a Post!

If You Enjoyed This, Please Sign Up for my Posts (It's Free!)

Find me here!

Facebook

Facebook

Follow me on Twitter

My Tweets

Follow me on Instagram

Instagram

The Mother of All Meltdowns

Encouragement for Grieving Mothers

Get Sponsored by Big Brands

What You Said

  • katbiggie on Stories from the TTTS Trenches {Jackalyn and Alexa}
  • Marsha on Stories from the TTTS Trenches {Jackalyn and Alexa}
  • Liveitthebest on I Did Not Medicate my Child Because I am a “Lazy Parent” – Recognizing Signs of Mental Health Issues in Children
  • Trans4orm on Garcenia Cambogia: Miracle Weight Loss Solution??
  • Alden Smith on 6 sites with fun activities for kids

Search

Advocacy baby loss babyloss books children children's health depression Encouragement FEATURED Fitness Grief grieving mothers guest posts healing health infant loss Kathryn love March for Babies March of Dimes Mental Health Miscarriage Mom Connection mommy blog mommy blogs mommyblogs motherhood Mothers Day Neonatal intensive care unit NICU Novel Publicity Novel Publicity Blog Tours organization Preemie Pregnancy Preterm birth TTTS TTTS Angels TTTS Survivors Twin twinless twin twins Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome Uncategorized writing
 photo Picture44_zps250d112f.png


I'm a featured blogger on Mamapedia Voices

Categories

Blogger Babes Influencer Network

Are You Writing a Book?

Shot at Life

Shot@Life Join the Movement

I Recommend… (Affiliates)

SAVE TIME AND MONEY WITH EMEALS MEAL PLANS Ebates Coupons and Cash Back
BundleoftheWeek.com, 5 eBooks for $7.40!

Affiliates


Copyright © 2025 · Tricked out by Fabulous Blogging · WordPress · Log in