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The First Time We Held Hands

November 14, 2012 By katbiggie 9 Comments

I remember the first time your tiny little fingers wrapped around mine.  You were four days old.

Thus far, you only knew life in my womb, with your twin, and in the NICU, alone. Save for the NICU nurses and the loyal family and friends who came to you, prayed for you, hoped for you.

I still had not even been able to hold you, but you found a way to let me know you loved me.

Inside that incubator you were fighting to grow, fighting to breathe, fighting to exist.

1lb and about 12 oz by then of pure strength.

The diaper that was hardly larger than a panty liner engulfed your lower body.

Your skin – translucent.

Your coloring – pale.

Your eyes – covered with blue goggles to protect you from the warming light.

Your breathing – still aided by a CPAP.

But your spirit – vibrant.

Two days earlier, you lost your soul mate, your womb buddy, your identical twin sister.

But this day, you let me know you were here to stay.

I remember that moment.  The moment you let me know I could begin to hope.

I could begin to dream of taking you home.

My arms would not be left completely empty.

I am linking this post up at A Dish of Daily Life: Remember When Linkup

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katbiggie

Freelance writer at Kat Biggie Press
Alexa B, who blogs as "Kat Biggie" is a wife, mother, and writer. She has three children and one in heaven. She recently self published a book entitled "Sunshine After the Storm: A Survival Guide for the Grieving Mother" which is available on Amazon. She blogs about life after the loss of one of her twin daughters to TTTS, motherhood, all things parenting, advocacy, grief support and social good.

Latest posts by katbiggie (see all)

  • What to say when a baby dies ; words of comfort - October 31, 2019
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Filed Under: NICU Tagged With: Multiple birth, NICU, Preemie, Twin

Comments

  1. Susan says

    May 24, 2013 at 9:55 am

    You have painted an amazing picture of that tiny moment in time. I can’t imagine how tiny your child was or what your journey has been. But in that moment, I can see the tiny hand and feel your momma heart. Thank you for sharing.
    Susan recently posted…Five MInute Friday – ViewMy Profile

    Reply
    • katbiggie says

      May 24, 2013 at 10:07 am

      Thank you so very much!

      Reply
  2. Angela says

    May 24, 2013 at 12:00 pm

    There is nothing like that moment when you first meet your child and connect in that way only another mom can understand! Visiting from the Ladies Only Blog Share!
    Angela recently posted…Ladies Only Blog Share Link Party: Remember WhenMy Profile

    Reply
    • katbiggie says

      May 24, 2013 at 12:36 pm

      Thank you for coming by! Yes, it is a special moment!

      Reply
  3. Michelle says

    May 24, 2013 at 6:53 pm

    That was amazing! I cannot begin to imagine what you must have gone through but there is something very magical about a tiny new baby and the connection between mother and child!
    Michelle recently posted…Remember When: Ladies Only Blog Share Link PartyMy Profile

    Reply
  4. Tell Another Mom says

    May 24, 2013 at 9:36 pm

    This was such a great post. You allowed us all to experience your moment with your beautiful words. So glad I found your blog through the blog share!
    Tell Another Mom recently posted…Ladies Only Blog Share : ‘Remember When’My Profile

    Reply
  5. NJ @ A Cookie Before Dinner says

    May 26, 2013 at 1:59 pm

    What a sweet painful picture you paint. I can’t imagine all of the emotions you went through during that time. I’m visiting today from the Ladies Only Blog Share.
    NJ @ A Cookie Before Dinner recently posted…Weekend Links 5/25/13My Profile

    Reply
    • katbiggie says

      May 26, 2013 at 6:04 pm

      Thank you and I appreciate your visit!

      Reply
  6. The Mayor (sharon) says

    May 27, 2013 at 2:38 pm

    Oh, you just made me want to hug my little ones. Just a half an hour ago I wanted to scream at the anger of motherhood. You reminded me how precious life and a child’s love is. Blessing to you and your family.

    Reply

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