A few days ago, my sweet survivor baby Tiny asked if she could rest with my “Kathryn Bear.” I reluctantly said yes. This Kathryn bear is so very special to me. It was hand made by a volunteer for the Molly Bears organization, and it weighs exactly the same amount that my Kathryn did when she was born. 4lbs 6 oz.
I keep the bear high on a shelf, worried that between a high energy puppy and three young children, if she’s left where anyone can reach her, she will be destroyed.
As I pulled the bear down and felt the weight of her in my arms, I was instantly transported to those moments that I held my beautiful daughter as her body quit fighting and she went into the after life.
The moments of severe grief are few, but when they come on, they are paralyzing.
Tiny smiled at me as I approached her with this precious bear. She smiled ear to ear. At this point, she doesn’t really understand that Kathryn was her twin. She entered the world with her, and left entirely too soon. She knows that Kathryn is a baby that we loved very much. I can tell she feels a connection, even though she doesn’t know why.
Tiny wrapped her arms around the bear and snuggled into the bed. My heart felt so full, and yet so empty in the same moment.
Moments like this remind me why I continue, year after year, to beg for donations for the March of Dimes. This is our fourth year as a family team, and it truly gets more difficult with each year. The first year, Kathryn’s death was fresh in everyone’s mind. The donations came rolling in, without hesitation. In two months, we raised almost $8,000! It was incredible.
That support has dwindled over the years. I understand. It’s easy when your emotions are highly charged to make a large donation without hesitation.
It’s the tortoise that wins the race. We’ll be asking you for a donation every year until I die. Or until neonatal care is so far advanced that babies no longer die from Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome and Hydrops. So, I beg you to continue making a donation every year – every size donation matter! It matters to me, it matters to Tiny, and goodness knows, it matters to every mother from here on who delivers a baby early or ill.
The March for Babies has a special incentive for their tiny warriors this year. If our little #preemies raise $200 between now and next Friday, April 3rd, they will earn a child sized Superhero cape. Can you help my Tiny Superhero earn her cape?
Superhero Tiny wants to ask you herself!
Who could say no to that precious child??
If you can make a donation to my Tiny Superhero, we’ll love you forever!
katbiggie
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Janine Huldie says
March 27, 2015 at 10:19 amYou are right, how can you say no to that face! Seriously, Tiny is adorable and will head over to to see what I can do, too.
Janine Huldie recently posted…Confused Musings on Kid’s Birthday Parties
Chris Carter says
March 27, 2015 at 11:39 pmThis is just so heartbreaking to read, Alexa. My heart cracks open every time you share your loss. I will be talking to Derek about giving… <3
Chris Carter recently posted…The Power of Memories