My son has always been hyper.
For many years I just chocked it up to him being a little boy.
Until the day I was talking with another mom of little boys at church and I asked her at what age her boys settled down. She said, “My sons were never like him.” She did not mean it in a horrible way, and I could tell she felt bad as soon as she said it. It didn’t upset me because I knew exactly what she meant. I could see it. I had seen it.
For many years, I knew that there was more to the story than him just “being a little boy.”
I was terrified of labeling him. I didn’t want to make excuses for his behavior or blame it on something that it wasn’t.
I believed it when people told me his behavior was related to my parenting skills… or lack there-of.
I read this post at Writer Mom’s Blog the other day. “Getting A Diagnosis For My Son has Made me a Better Parent.” It made me feel so much better about it. And why is there such a stigma around seeking out a diagnosis of this sort? Why does everyone believe we just want to medicate our children? Medication is the last thing I want if it’s not necessary, but if it can help my son, I’m interested.
I sat with my son to help with his homework tonight. I had to redirect him no less than 15 times to do 20 problems. It was a computer based homework program. The problems that I watched over his shoulder, he did well. I was shocked when it scored him a 9/20 correct. He’s not dumb. He knows and understands these basic math concepts of counting by 10s. It was not difficult homework. My heart hurt seeing that grade.
Worse than him being labeled ADHD, I don’t want him to be labeled “stupid” or “lazy.” Because I know how smart he is. And I know how hard he works at things that keep his attention.
I understand how difficult it is for him to focus, because I am the same way. The more I observe him and read about ADD/ADHD, the more convinced I am that I also suffer from this. Perhaps this is why I have 5 blogs.
So, we’ve filled out the paperwork to have him evaluated. I felt guilty as I filled out the forms. For many reasons. Guilty that I hadn’t followed my mother’s intuition long ago, guilty that I allowed my concern over what others thought guide me more than my own instinct as a mom, and part of me even felt like I was giving up on him and me and our ability to figure it out together.
But ADHD is not something you can just figure out on your own. We need help. We need resources.
I want to be able to enjoy my sweet little boy, and right now, I want to lock him in a closet (not really) – and it’s to difficult to be patient with him.
Who wouldn’t love this guy?
So our journey now begins.
katbiggie
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WriterMom Angela says
November 7, 2014 at 2:12 pmI am so glad that reading my post helped you feel better about getting your son a potential diagnosis. Hugs!
WriterMom Angela recently posted…Just Focus!
Janine Huldie says
November 7, 2014 at 2:49 pmAlexa, I think half the battle sometimes is us admitting that there may be an issue. I remember when Emma was not speaking as quickly as I thought she should be. I finally realized it was her hearing and took her to the ENT to have to have her ears completely blown out. It was literally like a switch was turned on and within a day she began to speak more and even my father noticed it. Hugs to you and know you are doing the best as your son’s mom for him by doing this even if it was hard to initiate you did do it and hoping that now you can get some help and services, too.
Janine Huldie recently posted…Ornaments with Love Feeding My Christmas Decorating Love
Catrina says
November 7, 2014 at 3:20 pmGOOD for you Lex!! Don’t feel guilty, you are an AWESOME Mom!!!! LOVE you!!
Tess Mahnken-Weatherspoon says
November 7, 2014 at 9:12 pmAlexis my son Michael (now age 23) also has ADHD—school was always challenging for him because he didn’t like to sit still and he didn’t pay attention—he was also class clown which did not endear him to teachers along the way. He is now a wonderful, very active young adult, working 3 jobs, playing sports and going to college part-time. His schedule exhausts me just hearing about it, but he handles it in stride,….I found the book “Driven to Distraction” very helpful…..good luck!!
Lisa @ The Golden Spoons says
November 8, 2014 at 10:14 amAt the very least, you will have some answers. Once you know, you can develop strategies to help him and that is the end goal, right? Hope everything goes well and gets you the answers you need.
Lisa @ The Golden Spoons recently posted…Who’s in Your Village?
Chris Carter says
November 8, 2014 at 1:57 pmI think you are a brave and loving mom who is taking the steps you need to help your precious boy!!! It’s scary- but you will find that having a possible diagnosis and treatment/help will take your journey in parenting to a new level of hope and GOOD things for him AND you!!!
Chris Carter recently posted…Perhaps God Moves Mountains- Afterall…
Jill F. says
November 9, 2014 at 1:03 pmThe hardest thing is taking that first step. There are so many resources available now for him (and you~ both as a parent and as a patient). You are not the first parent who has struggled with this decision and you may help another parent have the courage to take the same first step.
katbiggie says
November 9, 2014 at 4:27 pmThank you Jill. That is very encouraging to hear. That’s one of the main reasons I blog, and I hope that I do encourage someone!