I am on vacation y’all! Thank goodness, because after what seems like two years of rain, we needed to get away. I’m so happy to have Ilene from the Fierce Diva Guide to Life as a guest contributor today. Her writing always moves me. Heck, Ilene moves me. She is an incredible woman, who I have become friends with. Ilene is so grounded and full of peace. I find myself feeling more “happy” every time I talk to her. Today she gives us encouragement in accomplishing the things in life we want to do, even when others do not support our endeavors. Enjoy!
Go For It!
“Aren’t you worried about how you’re going to make money?”
“I’ll teach yoga. I’ll freelance. I’ll wait tables. It will be fine.”
“But you don’t know anyone down there.”
“I didn’t know anyone when I moved here, did I?”
“What if it doesn’t work out?”
“Can you specify what you mean by not working out?”
Ah, the naysayers. I’ve known many. These are just a few examples of the things people have said to me over the past few months about the relocation I’m planning to make with my children next month, to a town four states away from where we currently live. The naysaying has been aplenty over this, the alarmists about my safety, the worriers about my financial health and over the emotional stability of my children who will be living 600 miles away from their father.
I bet you deal with naysaying too.
Maybe one of these looks familiar:
“You’re going to wear that to the party?”
“Don’t you get concerned that other parents won’t want him to play with their kids when he acts that way?”
“Are you sure you want to go into that field? I hear it’s really tough to find a job in that industry.”
Or – what about when you call a friend with really good news and she responds with the same tone she would have used to reply to your telling her you had found a good deal on tomatoes at the grocery store?
It’s difficult when a friend or a spouse or a family member shows little support for something in our lives that matters to us, or even worse, when they seem against it. It’s normal to not only want those close to us to rally for our cause, but to have unbridled enthusiasm for our cause.
“Go for it!”
“I’m so proud of you!”
“I’m here for you!”
…are the things we want to hear when we share our newest pursuit or triumph.
But next time your loved ones don’t jump for joy over your successes or goals, try to remember this:
I believe that when a friend, parent, sibling, or spouse fails to support something that is important to us, it has everything to do with their own baggage that they bring to our relationships.
People see us through their own filters, and they see our lives in relation to theirs versus something that stands alone.
If they believe that what you are doing will affect them in a way that they don’t want, they may not share your enthusiasm due to their own agendas, whether they realize this agenda or not. I am moving far away from people who love me. People don’t want me to go. They’ll miss me, and instead of just saying “I’ll miss you,” and dealing with their own pain over this, some, instead, have tried to convince me it’s the wrong thing to do to get me to stay.
Also, don’t forget that others may look at the things you are doing through their own fear filter. They can’t possibly imagine doing what you’re doing because it would scare them. The move that I am about to make is out of the comfort zone of many. Since they can’t imagine doing it for themselves, they can’t imagine anyone being able to do it at all.
Also, when you share news and look for support, be honest with yourself. Are you looking for outside validation? Do you believe 100% in what you’re doing, or are you looking for someone to give you “approval?”
Yes, it’s important to surround ourselves with people who can provide us with healthy, objective support, but more than anything, we need to believe in ourselves wholly and entirely.
If you believe in what you are doing and in the goals you’re pursuing, the naysaying won’t bother you as much.
It’s nice when people have our backs, but nothing is more valuable in this life than we can stand behind ourselves.
Whatever it is you want in this life, I hope you go for it despite the naysaying. I hope you go now, I hope you start today, in forging ahead with all of the brilliant things that you were put on this earth to do.
Ilene Evans, the Creator of The Fierce Diva Guide to Life, is a single mother to three awesome kids, a freelance writer, yoga teacher, lover of eyeliner, incense, and skullcaps, and a believer in possibilities. She loves approval from others as much as the next person, but she’s leaning to trust her own instincts and abilities, one triumph at a time.
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