Yes, Children Grieve Too
Today is National Childhood Grief Awareness Day.
It’s kind of ironic, because just the other night, quite seemingly out of no-where, I heard Jelly Bean sobbing in her room.
Sobbing.
Now, she is a very dramatic four year old, so crying is not an unusual event in our home. In fact, I have three children who may all be worthy of Academy Award’s in their future.
But this time was different.
I called out to her and she walked into the living room, tears streaming down her face.
“What’s wrong baby girl?”
“I just really miss Kathryn,” Jelly Bean sobbed.
That took me by great surprise. Although the twins’ birthday is approaching in just a few weeks, and Kathryn day will be on 12/12, I haven’t been talking a lot about her.
When it comes to my children and their need/desire to talk about Kathryn, I try to let them take the lead.
I asked Bean what had brought this on. She reminded me that she’d wanted to make a heart to put on Kathryn’s stone, and that apparently made her think a lot about it. She explained to me that she was just so sad that we didn’t get to bring her home. She misses her baby sister that she never had a chance to love.
I did the only thing I could think of. I took out the pictures of Kathryn, and we went through them and I told her about her baby sister.
We cried. She asked questions. I answered.
It was a healing moment.
Then she insisted on holding Kathryn bear, so I let her have that moment.
Children Grieve Too.
And it’s important that we allow them.
Today, my friend Kathy Glow from the blog Life with the Frog, posted a lovely guest post on the Sunshine After the Storm blog – 10 Tips for Talking with Children About Grief.
I hope you’ll head over and read and share her wise words.
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Janine Huldie says
November 20, 2014 at 11:07 amWill head over and check out Kathy’ post, but I just wanted to reach out and hug Jelly Bean in that pic. Seriously, children are definitely allowed to grief, but still hate that they have to (if that makes sense). Sending some serious hugs to both you and Jelly Bean today.
Janine Huldie recently posted…Emma’s School Star Week Plus 100th Wonderful Wednesday!
Courtney says
November 21, 2014 at 1:56 pmI’m not proud of it, but I avoided a funeral I should have attended because I didn’t want to bring up the difficult topics with the kids.
Kathy’s post would have helped me prepare for it.
Nobody said this parenting thing was easy.
katbiggie says
November 24, 2014 at 10:40 amYou are right about that. It’s really hard. I took my son to his first funeral when he was 3. It was actually just a viewing. But a year later, when his baby sister died, he remembered the funeral home. I had to drop off some paperwork, and as we pulled in, he said, “Mommy, is this heaven?” He connected that place to where the dead people go…
another jennifer says
November 24, 2014 at 1:22 pmOh, Alexa. I love how you honor Bean’s way of grieving. What a hard, yet proud moment it must have been. I have no doubt the two of you will cherish these moments with each other, remembering Kathryn, forever.
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katbiggie says
November 24, 2014 at 2:03 pmThank you so much Jennifer. Jelly Bean will never know how much she saved me after we lost Kathryn. It touches me that she is still so committed to remembering her.