When mother’s day hurts
This is my 6th Mother’s Day without my darling Kathryn. While I do not actively grieve for her anymore, I still feel a twinge on Mother’s Day. I reflect on the fact that there should be four little wildlings, jumping on the bed and excitedly telling me “Happy Birthday!” as my son did this morning… instead of Happy Mother’s Day. 🙂 Kathryn is a part of me, day in and day out, even if it no longer hurts the way it once did.
However, today is a really difficult day for many women. Some have very fresh losses. In the past week, I’ve received requests to send packages to four mamas. One lost both of her twins at 23 weeks. One lost one of her twins, at about 23 weeks and she is still carrying the other twin. And two had miscarriages. I can only imagine how many other mamas suffered a similar loss in the past week. It is for THEM my heart aches this Mother’s Day.
I had an interesting conversation with the Grandmother of one of my daughter’s friends as we waited for the children to be released from school on Friday. We were talking about Tiny, how TINY she still is, but how feisty. I told her the story of my girls. Their battle with TTTS, their premature birth, the fact that Tiny is a 1lb 10 oz MIRACLE, and of course, about Kathryn’s death. She told me her daughter miscarried last year, and she didn’t really know how to handle it or how to comfort her, because it’s a loss she never experienced. She admitted it surprised her that her daughter still sometimes cried over the loss of that baby.
I think one of the things people don’t understand with pregnancy and infant loss is that it stays with you FOREVER. There’s really no getting OVER it. There is getting beyond it. There is healing. There is even Sunshine After the Storm, but it’s ALWAYS with you, in some form or another.
As we celebrate Mother’s Day, if you know someone who has lost a child or baby, I encourage you to recognize that baby and don’t be afraid to mention that baby to the mama. My personal opinion is that people are too afraid to cause hurt and pain, so they don’t mention the baby. However, my experience tells me that most mamas WANT to talk about their baby. They WANT that baby remembered. They WANT you to ask about the baby. They WANT the baby to be remembered.
Because WE remember those babies every day. Your words of encouragement will NOT hurt us or cause pain. We’re already thinking of them, and it’s so comforting to know that you are too.
For you mamas who are having a difficult time today, please know that your baby mattered. Your baby is remembered. You are loved, and you are never alone. If you would like, please list your baby’s name in the comments so we can all remember together.
Love and light.