I am a believer in the Bedtime Routine!
Bedtime Routine worked so much better with the 2nd child!
It took us over three years to get my oldest child to sleep through the night. We were nearly certifiable, my husband and I were both so tired. I’ll never forget the last time my son woke up at 2am and padded his way into our room. My husband snapped. He told my son that we were done getting up every night and actually put him in time out for getting out of bed. Yes, a time out at 2am. But it worked. Little man has stayed in his bed (exceptions being if he has a bad dream, but those are rare) since then.
It’s not that he was a bad sleeper. He slept fine. I think a large part of his problem was that we never established a good routine for him. We lived overseas when he was born, and in the first 6 months of his life we made a transatlantic move, visited my Dad in Iowa two times, visited my husband’s parents in NY twice, went to the beach twice, and lived in three different places. There was nothing routine about his life. It was a struggle getting him in the bed, (he probably got out of bed 15 times each night!) lots of tears all around, and the child was never asleep before 9:30pm. This seemed to set us up for failure.
The good thing was that my husband and I realized that we were at fault for his terrible sleep patterns.
So when the second child came along, we tried to ensure we did not repeat any bad habits.
These results are not scientific evidence, certainly. As we all know, each child is different. Second children are different. But I will swear by the bedtime routine because it worked for the second and third children.
With the second and third children, we implemented a strict bedtime with the same exact routine each night. We try not to stray from it, but when traveling or having guests or in special circumstances, we do make allowances.
The routine starts with dinner. We sit down as a family between 6 and 6:30 and eat dinner. At 7:00 the first bath starts. By 8pm, all three children have been bathed and are in jammies. We have a snack, read stories or play a game, brush teeth, say prayers, and say goodnight by 8:30. (We have recently moved that time back to 8pm because they are so tired from school.)
Now the second child is testing her limits, so she’ll pop out of her room a couple of times, but for the most part, bed time is not nearly the nightmare it used to be. The oldest and youngest are sleeping through the night. The middle child gets up and comes into our room almost every night, but we’ve since decided co-sleeping isn’t so bad and it gives us a little extra snuggle time with our middle child.
I’ve learned two very important things through this adventure of motherhood.
One. Kids crave routine. They really do. If they have a good routine, they tend to act better. At least mine do.
Two. Consistency is key. To make any major changes or adjustments, there will be a fight. But hold your ground and stay consistent, and sooner, rather than later, the child will comply and your life will be so much easier. If you give in, you will always be giving in.
What are your thoughts?
Read more articles on Kids and Sleeping from my Sister Bloggers:
Encouraging an Early Bedtime
9 Tips We Used to “Train” Our Kids for An Early Bedtime by Marie from Buncha Monkeys
Tips for Troubled Sleepers
Tips for Moms with Kids that Have Trouble Sleeping by Nicolette from Powerful Mothering
Autism and Its Effect on Sleep
Autism Spectrum Disorder and Sleep by Katie from The Audacity of Motherhood
Be A Restful Parent
I Want You So Bad…10 Tips for A Better Sleep by Victoria from Busy House Big Heart
Sucessful Co-Sleeping
Twelve Tips to Help Make Co-Sleeping Work by Heidi from Powerful Mothering
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My kids, even the 13 year old, do better with a routine in general. I find that bedtime and sleep is something that is MUCH smoother with a routine without a doubt. My kids just don’t function well with a bedtime that fluctuates. I have put myself on a strict 11pm bedtime since school has started and it’s startling how much better *I* am functioning, too. So for us, it’s not just the kids!! –Lisa
Amen sister! So true, I do better with routine as well, so not sure it would surprise me that the kids do too!
By far a routine is the way to go, but will say this as much as we do a routine, I also have Lily who ends up crawling into bed with me some nights. Like you co-sleeping is not that bad to me and actually like to snuggle, but it is the nights where she fights going to bed at the onset that are harder. And as much as we do have a routine, we still do have those nights, but would love to hear what others have to say about this for sure now.
It’s tough when they are little. Having a six year old that was such a terrible sleeper but now goes to bed and sleeps all the way through really gives me a more positive outlook… There is light at the end of the tunnel!
Consistency and routine have been key for us. I used to tell my oldest to sing himself to sleep if has was having trouble. It worked! And we had to tell our younger son that we expect him to stay in bed once we put him down (unless he has to go potty or is sick). That worked too! We’ve found we just have to be explicit with our expectations and stick to our routine. But you’re so right in that every child is different. The hard part is figuring out what works for each child.
I could not agree more. We’ve been on vacation this week and the late bedtimes were really affecting my daughter. She kept yawning and napping while we were on our way to daytime adventures. Then she’d be groggy when she woke up. In our house, the baby goes to bed first, and then she gets her in pajamas, brushes her teeth, gets a book and a story, and a cup of water, and then she goes to bed.
I couldn’t agree more. We all benefit from routine. When I married my husband I had a huge challenge with my step kids who did not have a sleep routine. They pushed back hard on me – they also had no routine over at their Mom’s. They were upset, mad, thought I wasn’t nice….but 5 years later, everyone is sleeping well and guess what? The little guy is still having probs sleeping at his Mom’s…. Not here. The difference is the routine….
Such an important message! Probably the MOST important message about having a well-rested family. Thank you for this! My son’s sleep improves dramatically if he’s had a consistent routine for a while. As soon as it’s disrupted — travel, sickness — it takes days to recover.
It’s amazing the effect of getting out of routine and getting over tired has on children! Thanks for your comment!
Kids really do crave routine. I just wish it wasn’t their routine to slip quietly into our bed in the middle of every night! LOL. They are so sneaky, sometimes I don’t feel it until I’m trying to move and find myself paralyzed between two little girls with feet and elbows sticking into my ribs and back. I hope it ends soon!
I absolutely agree with you – routine is key. That’s what worked for us when our kids were little. Now I’m asleep before my teenager, who is up until 11:00 doing homework. But now matter how late she is up, she has here own bedtime routine that she follows. I think it helps her settle down and shift from homework mode to sleep mode. But I do miss those 8:00 bedtimes!
I remember being in high school and up til 11pm! My mom was always in bed long before me. But I loved that quiet time to myself!
My daughter,Bubba d id not have a bedtime routine throughout the whole summer. I was so worried we would have a terrible time getting her to bed at 10pm when she had been used to going to bed as late as 5am. But once school started this year, she was so tired from school, she went to,sleep right after her bedtime story. I’m definitely with you on children having daily routines!!!
here is a great list of the 20 BENEFITS OF BEDTIME STORIES FOR CHILDREN:
http://www.wherebellybuttonscomefrom.com/styled-4/index.html