I feel quiet and still this week. The air feels like it is made of thick jelly, and I’m struggling to breathe. Each step takes effort.
The last few weeks have exhausted me, drained me, made me proud, made me happy, made me sad.
While we accomplished something wonderful through our efforts for the March for Babies, I cannot help but wish we didn’t have a story to tell. That instead I would be one of the parents pushing twins in a double stroller, absolutely ignorant of the pain of losing one of those precious babies.
Instead of this.
In a moment during which I should be overjoyed, I am overcome.
Mother’s day approaches rapidly, and instead of 4, I have 3. Three wonderfully amazing children whom I love with all my being. But we are not complete. Like so many other families who have lost one or more babies or children, we will never be complete.
Sunday May 5th is International Bereaved Mother’s Day. This is a day to honor the mother’s who are not able to celebrate with their child, but still deserve to be honored. Let’s #BreaktheSilence
For more about International Bereaved Mothers Day, please be sure to visit the CarlyMarie Project.
To honor the bereaved mothers, including myself, I asked several other bloggers to join me in hosting a linkup. I encourage anyone who has suffered a loss of a baby or a child to link your story. Share your grief. Or how you have healed. You can share successes and how you have moved on or dealt with your loss. It can be an old post or a new post, or several posts if you have more than one you’d like to contribute.
This is our opportunity to share what is on our hearts. Our day to share with other mothers who understand and for those who may not have experienced this to read a little more into our hearts. #BreaktheSilence
Please be sure to visit the co-hosts!
katbiggie
Latest posts by katbiggie (see all)
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Ilene says
May 2, 2013 at 10:20 amAfter I commented on your wordless Wednesday post yesterday, I reflected on how unthinkable that NICU time must have been for you – rejoicing in the job of one life saved while grieving over the life lost. That kind of cognitive dissonance is unimaginable to me.
Ilene recently posted…Midfielders Make the World Go Round
katbiggie says
May 2, 2013 at 10:35 amYes, it was very difficult. It still is. But the worst was walking by EVERY day the bay where I held my daughter as she died. I could not WAIT to get out of that place!
Janine Huldie says
May 2, 2013 at 12:04 pmLike I said to Heather, I truly think this is such a wonderful way to get message out there and help each other and others as well, who have gone through or going through a loss. I have shared with others in the past and also on Hubpages that I had a chemical pregnancy. It was early on at 5 weeks time, but still it hurt and was very much broken over it. Still remember it so and as much as it was years back. So, wish I would have had a bit more support back then, because I reeled silently. So, I do very much commend you all for your efforts here 🙂
Janine Huldie recently posted…No Stupid Questions, Only Stupid People…
katbiggie says
May 2, 2013 at 12:56 pmThank you Janine! If you ever want to talk about it, we are here for you. One thing I have learned over the last year is that it doesn’t matter if you are two weeks, two months, or full term, losing a pregnancy or infant is a terrible heartbreak!
AnnMarie says
May 2, 2013 at 3:41 pmIt’s not a club I am happy to be a part of but I’m honored to be here with you getting the word out, honoring those mom’s who will both be sad and happy this Mother’s Day. I also think this is a great way to honor all of our children living in Heaven. Sometimes it is hard to know what to do and I think this is perfect. 🙂
AnnMarie recently posted…Still {International Bereaved Mother’s Day}
katbiggie says
May 2, 2013 at 7:41 pmThank you AnnMarie. If I have to be here with someone, I’m glad it’s you ladies! Thinking of you and Rocco and all of our Angels!
Pary Moppins says
May 3, 2013 at 7:57 amYou are so brave to tell your story and support other moms who have had tragic experiences.
Pary Moppins recently posted…What’s Cooking?
katbiggie says
May 5, 2013 at 7:39 amThank you so very much!
Alison says
May 3, 2013 at 9:09 amMuch love to you, and all your co-hosts. You are doing an amazing thing here, bravely sharing your stories, and helping others get through this. xoxoxo
Alison recently posted…Around The Bonfire: Online Friendships
katbiggie says
May 3, 2013 at 12:15 pmThank you Alison! It is therapeutic! And we all just need to know we are not alone!
JaneEllen says
May 3, 2013 at 12:13 pmI can’t even imagine how devastating losing a child must be. I can still remember my sister in law who was living with us when I was a teenager. She was only 16, her first baby was still born. That was a long long time ago but I still remember, wishing I’d known what to do to help her. My brother was over seas.
I gave up a child for adoption many years ago, I still think of her. I know that’s not nearly as hard as losing a child to death. I remember not being able to be around babies for at least a year or more. I felt such guilt and sorrow for what might have been although I still believe deep in my heart that was the best decision for that baby and my 3 small children.
My heart goes out to any Mother that loses a child.
katbiggie says
May 3, 2013 at 12:14 pmThank you for your sweet words. xoxo
Sarah De Diego (Journeys of The Zoo) says
May 5, 2013 at 1:04 amDear Jane Ellen,
I am a Mother that has lost and also adopted. I recently wrote a letter to my Biological Mother that you might enjoy reading(http://www.journeysofthezoo.com/2013/04/letter-to-my-biological-mother-adoption.html). I hope that your daughter feels the same way that I do.
I believe that loss is loss, although I definitely try to minimize my loss, even with myself. The heart and soul has funny ways of protecting those that live on.
I wish you peace.
Besos, Sarah
Journeys of The Zoo
Sarah De Diego (Journeys of The Zoo) recently posted…International Bereaved Mother’s Day. You Have Been Chosen {Loss}
Deb @ Urban Moo Cow says
May 3, 2013 at 1:00 pmOh wow… I’m not even sure what TTTS is but now I am compelled to find out. I’m sorry for your loss and I hope you can find peace this Mothers’ Day. Thanks for coming by from MTM.
Deb @ Urban Moo Cow recently posted…Little Man Love Drug
katbiggie says
May 5, 2013 at 7:42 amI appreciate it and thanks so much for coming back over and reading and commenting!
another jennifer says
May 4, 2013 at 8:02 pmWhat a wonderful way to honor these lost babies. My heart aches for all of you. I thank you, as I always do, for sharing your stories.
another jennifer recently posted…Philanthropy Friday: Hello…Goodbye: Fostering Shelter Dogs
katbiggie says
May 5, 2013 at 7:44 amThank you as always for coming and reading and sharing!
Sarah De Diego (Journeys of The Zoo) says
May 5, 2013 at 12:55 amI am so sad that I stand alongside 15 other Mothers that know what it feels like to lose a child. In this situation I wish that I was alone. However, if I was, I wouldn’t be here today. They say there is strength in numbers. Thank you for being my strength.
Besos, Sarah
Blogger at Journeys of The Zoo
http://www.journeysofthezoo.com
Sarah De Diego (Journeys of The Zoo) recently posted…International Bereaved Mother’s Day. You Have Been Chosen {Loss}
katbiggie says
May 5, 2013 at 7:43 amOh I understand completely Sarah! I just saw this aFTER I visited your post! Thank you for linking up and sharing your story of Alexander. xoxo
Menopausalmother says
May 5, 2013 at 9:04 amThank you so much for hosting this very special link-up. It’s nice for us all to know that we are not alone in our grief, and that no matter how many years have passed, it’s still ok to shed tears for the little angels we have lost.
Menopausalmother recently posted…The Birds And The Bees
katbiggie says
May 5, 2013 at 5:56 pmAnd thank you for participating. We are not alone! xoxo
Chris Carter says
May 5, 2013 at 11:12 pmOH honey… I realized I never even commented here! I am praying for you. My heart just aches for you and I am praying that the Spirit groans for you and somehow you feel a bit of a lift in your sorrow. What a beautiful and touching tribute to all who have lost a child.
Chris Carter recently posted…Devotional Diaries: Week Five