We must capture those moments when something Amazing happens.
Memorialize it forever; in our hearts, on our camera, on our blogs… some place.
Today, something amazing happened.
Tiny pointed right up to one of the butterflies decorating her wall and said “butterfly.” (OK, so it came out “bee-fly” but she is speech delayed – cut her some slack! 🙂
For those of you who have followed my journey closely over the past two years, you understand the significance of this happening today. You see, today is the two year anniversary of the death of Tiny’s identical twin sister Kathryn. Butterflies have always been my “thing” to represent my daughter, who passed away at 8:52 on 12/12/11. She was two days old.
 
I could spend the day feeling tragically sad and depressed. And I am sad, for sure.
But I am also overjoyed that I have an amazing identical replica of her here, who makes me smile every day. I am happy for my other two healthy children. I am happy for the friends and loved ones that surround me. I am happy.
When Tiny pointed at that butterfly and said “bee-fly” I felt as if it was perhaps Kathryn’s way of speaking through her. Saying, “it’s okay mommy. We’re all going to be okay.”
That might make some of you feel uncomfortable that I feel that way. I know some people are more prone to just shake it off as me trying to make something out of nothing. And to people who think like that, I say to you “How does it change your life if I can find one small, perhaps insignificant thing that makes me smile on a day that hurts so bad?”
But many more of you will likely share stories with me of something “coincidental” that has happened in your life that connected you to someone that you’ve lost. Because belief in those moments is what gets us through the darkest of times.
It’s Kathryn Day
I cannot let the day pass without remembering her, and making sure everyone else remembers her too, but I also don’t want the day to be a sad and gloomy day. I challenged everyone through my Facebook page to do something kind for someone today in Kathryn’s memory. I have received donations for our March of Dimes team – Charis and Kat. I have gotten texts and phone calls. My friend invited the kids and I to join her and her kids for lunch. I have had people post candles burning in memory of Kathryn and all kinds of other wonderful tokens of remembrance. And another friend told me that in memory of Kathryn, today she gave a waitress a $20 tip on a $5 bill!
Posted today on my FB page by my friend ReNee.
In order to make new memories, happier memories on this day, this morning Tiny and I visited the NICU where she spent 84 days, and where we lost Kathryn. We took the nurses donuts and reconnected. It was awesome. They were so happy to see how far she has come!
Tiny also had her two year NICU follow up clinic, where she had to go through an hour and a half assessment. I am so happy to report that she is fully caught up to her actual age of two years old. No more adjusted ages for her. With the exception of speech (which is coming along) she is 100% a normal two year old.
So I guess two amazing things happened today.
I guess the point of all of this, is not just to share how I feel (which obviously I enjoy doing – I’m a blogger, duh!) but also to give hope and encouragement to anyone else who may be going through a tough time. And to remind you all that we create the world we live in. It’s okay to be sad and to remember, but it’s also okay to heal and be happy.
And I’m quite certain that is what Kathryn would want.
Can you do something nice for someone today?
If you need some ideas, I happen to have a few! (Of course I do!)
You can donate to Team Charis and Kat – to help give all babies the best shot at a good start to life
OR
You could donate to the GoFundMe campaign for Sunshine After the Storm: A Survival Guide for the Grieving Mother.
We are using all proceeds to donate physical copies of the book to bereavement support groups and grieving parents. I have already given out over 100 copies! But I need financial help to carry on. (Also, I just sent in the paperwork for Sunshine After the Storm to become a nonprofit!)
OR
You could help us build and develop “Kathryn’s Corner – Kathryn’s butterfly garden“
This is in the Henry Michael Powell Children’s Memorial Garden in Columbia, SC. A beautiful place where all children can go and play. We have already bought a bench for it, but still have quite a bit of fundraising to do to finish it out!
Kathryn’s Bench in Kathryn’s Butterfly garden
To donate to Kathryn’s butterfly garden, click here.
OR
You could just do something simple and nice unexpectedly for someone. Know someone having a rough time? Take em dinner. Drop them a card in the mail… anything.
It feels SO DARN GOOD to make someone else feel good!
Peace and blessings to you all on this day, 12/12, which I pronounce to be forever “Kathryn Day.”
katbiggie
Latest posts by katbiggie (see all)
- What to say when a baby dies ; words of comfort - October 31, 2019
- Try listening to her, not fixing her – October 15th - October 15, 2019
- Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Book Bundle - October 3, 2019
katbiggie on Google+
Janine Huldie says
December 12, 2013 at 4:17 pmI totally believe that was Kathryn’s own way of giving you a sign today that it is Ok to smile and be happy for all you do have now. Total miracle in my eyes and I very much believe in stuff like this and have since I was young. So, again I have no doubts and am smiling thinking that your little angel did send you a message in this harder then normal day for you.
Janine Huldie recently posted…Finding My Way Back To Reading with Steena Holmes’ Books
katbiggie says
December 19, 2013 at 1:21 pmThank you Janine. Yes, I can’t help but believe our loved ones find ways of sending us signs when we most need it.
Dana says
December 12, 2013 at 5:28 pmI’ve been thinking about you today, Alexa – I’m glad you posted. On Kathryn Day, I am sending an e-card to a friend who is going through a rough time just to let her know I’m here. Sometimes that’s what we need the most – just to know the people we love are looking out for us. Hugs to you!
Dana recently posted…The time I was in a Christmas flash mob
katbiggie says
December 19, 2013 at 1:21 pmThank you Dana. I am so sorry it took me seven days to reply to this. I think that is a lovely gesture. And yes, the random card when you are hurting is TRULY a blessing. Hugs back to you!
Ilene says
December 12, 2013 at 7:18 pmYou’re not making something out of nothing with those coincidences. I’ve experienced many of those myself. I know Kathryn is with you and your family, and especially her twin sister. And the legacy you have created – for her? For all babies? You are simply heroic in what you have done since Kathryn’s death. Sending you a huge hug today. You are amazing. xo
katbiggie says
December 19, 2013 at 1:20 pmI love you Ilene! You are such a sweet friend and I really appreciate these words. My love language is absolutely affirmation, and it’s important to me to know that I am carrying on her memory and creating something beautiful out of it!
Tamara says
December 12, 2013 at 8:47 pmReally incredible and no coincidence!
That’s really awesome about no age adjusted too. And speech is something children can catch up on.
Glad you had such magical things happen on “World Kathryn Day.”
Tamara recently posted…Three Truths, Two Lies: The Raging College Edition.
katbiggie says
December 19, 2013 at 1:19 pmThank you Tamara. Yes,, I am very pleased with how well she is coming along!
Rosanna says
December 12, 2013 at 9:48 pmIn the Philippines, where I live, we believe that when a loved one dies, or when there’s a special occasion connected to someone who has passed away, a butterfly fluttering around is the spiritual manifestation of that person. I’m glad you blogged about Kathryn’s visit. It’s wonderful how you are keeping her memory alive through the various creative and healing activities you have initiated.
Rosanna recently posted…Digital Journaling or Pen and Paper?
katbiggie says
December 19, 2013 at 1:19 pmThat is an absolutely amazing ritual. I love that! Thank you for sharing that.
Chris Carter says
December 12, 2013 at 10:55 pmSo beautiful. YOU. Your precious Tiny- and all those incredible people in the NICU who helped and cared for you and your babies. I send you lots of love and hugs and in memory of precious Angel Kathryn, I smile- because I love to see and read hope and light in your words and in your heart. She transcends through you- in every way.
Chris Carter recently posted…Santa Is Mindful Too…
katbiggie says
December 19, 2013 at 1:17 pmThank you Chris. And those words truly lifted me up!
another jennifer says
December 13, 2013 at 9:16 amI don’t think Tiny’s words were a coincidence at all. So amazing all around. I was stuck in meetings and away from my computer in general yesterday, but I was thinking of you, Alexa. World Kathryn Day. I like the sound of it!
katbiggie says
December 19, 2013 at 1:17 pmWorld Kathryn Day. Who would guess a 2 day old would have so much influence? Thanks for your sweet message, as always Jennifer. And I appreciate being too busy to get to the computer!
Gayle Haddock says
December 13, 2013 at 10:07 amAwe…that is AMAZING! I’m so happy to hear all of the good news. I, too, believe that God comforts us in many different ways. Today He provided comfort for you in extra precious ways. There’s no accident or coincidence in that – they’re called “God kisses”…His way of letting you know He is near.
So glad that you had a good day and have chosen to use Kathryn’s day for the greater good. I know she is smiling down on all of the kindnesses shown to others today on her behalf. 🙂
katbiggie says
December 19, 2013 at 1:16 pmI like that. “God kisses.”
thedoseofreality says
December 16, 2013 at 10:08 amI love the way your friend chose to honor your sweet baby. What a gift. And hearing about Tiny saying “bee-fly” made me get totally chocked up. It sounds exactly as you described it. Hugs, friend.-Ashley
thedoseofreality recently posted…Every Day Is A Big Day For Giving Back
katbiggie says
December 19, 2013 at 1:16 pmYes, I was honored by her big tip in honor of Kathryn too!
Michelle says
December 18, 2013 at 9:07 pmThat is truly amazing Alexa. I don’t think it was a coincidence at all. What a gift! Hugs to you!
Michelle recently posted…Tis the Season to be Thankful
katbiggie says
December 19, 2013 at 1:15 pmThank you so very much Michelle!
Lady Jennie says
December 22, 2013 at 1:55 amAlexa, this is so amazing! So significant!! It truly is!
And I love your butterfly garden – love that family picture of you! 🙂
Lady Jennie recently posted…Frost
katbiggie says
December 30, 2013 at 11:27 amThank you Jennie! I appreciate it!
Leah Elizabeth Locklear says
December 23, 2013 at 1:52 pmAlexa! This is so beautiful! Thank you thank you for sharing, for allowing your daughters spirit to still be remembered but also allowing yourself to heal, be free, and be happy! I could only imagine how tough that is! What a wonderfully strong woman you are and I have no doubts Kathryn was speaking to you that day for it is NEVER coincidence, it is always God! ~Leah~
Faye says
February 15, 2014 at 3:14 pmAlexa, when I opened your page (stopping by from SITS), my heart stopped. I have identical twin boys who fought TTTS and were born at 32 weeks, 6 days. I just want to give you a hug for sharing your story, for sharing information about TTTS, and for surviving each and every day. Thank you! You’ve got a new follower in me.
katbiggie says
February 15, 2014 at 3:16 pmOh Faye, thank you for those sweet words! I am so glad that your sweet boys both made it. TTTS is a horrific syndrome. xoxo