OK, so I do not really think I am the worst mommy ever, but I am starting to believe that I am the worst stay at home mother. I don’t cook well, clean well, bake well, organize well… I”m not crafty, I can barely manage to get my kids in clean clothes every day, let alone cute little matching monogrammed clothes. I don’t always remember to brush Bean’s hair. I absolutely abhor bickering, whining, crying and all of those things.
I will probably never be featured on Meredith’s “The Mom of the Year” blog. Then again, I might be the perfect fit.
No one told me that being home with three small children would be so, well, overwhelming. I am so tired because my kids won’t sleep through the night that I actually washed my face with conditioner in the shower this morning!!
I had a “worst mommy” – rough day the other day; and it is blog post worthy…
Let’s back up to December 10, 2013.
Despite it being a happy day (my sweet TTTS miracle baby turned 2!) but I also really missed her twin sister Kathryn. That set the day out to be a little off kilter. Because doesn’t it always seem like those days you are trying so hard to be upbeat, you just can barely manage to keep it together. Tiny and I visited Kathryn’s grave quickly, and as we came inside, it began to pour. Maybe God does cry with us sometimes?
To add fuel to the fire, last year, on Tiny’s first birthday, a very, very close friend of our family was killed in a life flight helicopter crash. The 10th was the one year anniversary memorial. We miss you Andy, so much!
But stay with me here… I’m getting to the funny part.
So we dropped Bean off at pre-school, visited Kathryn, ran back to the car in the downpour, and decided to do a little bit of shopping with Tiny. We headed to Kohl’s, because they sent me a birthday $10 gift card and Tiny and I went bonkers in the clearance section. I realized (with much mommy guilt) that I had not taken any pictures of her for her birthday.
I found her the cutest little birthday outfit, so deciding it was never too late to do a birthday photo shoot, we raced home and changed her clothes. I found a white sheet (that I should have ironed) and threw it over the crib. Could not get her to smile! (Hence the reason I really found the Dose Girls post hilarious that day as well!)
But, I did get a couple of cute ones!
My favorite, as morbid as it may seem to some, is this picture of her kissing her twin sister’s picture. I just put it on the couch and watched to see what she would do. This is what happened.
But I digress…
Next item.
We needed a cake.
I decided I wanted to make a homemade cake, and I wanted to make something yummy but healthy. So, I turned to my Mediterranean cookbook by Mrs. Pastides, wife of the President of the University of South Carolina, for a lovely chocolate zucchini bread. But I was going to up the ante one more notch by making it gluten free. (I am trying to live GF these days. It’s not as hard as I thought it would be.)
(Little side note on the chocolate zucchini bread. I wanted to make it a few weeks earlier, and had some zucchini that was on the fritz. So I put it in the freezer until I was ready. Note to all of you – do not freeze whole zucchini’s. When they defrost, they are nothing but mush!)
Using fresh zucchini, and armed with my handy dandy gluten free conversion chart, I set to work. Tasted the batter… YUM. Placed in the oven. Baked.
Removed this from the oven:
I nearly had a meltdown. However, I kept my cool, flipped it out, and covered the heck out of it with powdered sugar. And you know what? It was salvageable and it was GOOD!
You might be thinking “Good save, Alexa!” But I was NOT done that day peeps.
I still had to make dinner.
I try so hard to be a good cook. And I guess I am not terrible. I can throw things together that taste different. But I am bad at the planning aspect.
I had some thawed chicken breasts in the fridge, and I thought, “Chicken chili sounds good to me tonight!” So I started chopping onions, green peppers, garlic and threw it in the covered baker (one of the best Pampered Chef investments I ever made!) Chopped the chicken and threw it in. Opened up the cupboard, where I was just certain that I had some great Northern Beans only to find that what I actually had was chick peas.
Oh noooooo! I was seconds away from the MOTHER of all Meltdowns at this point (I had failed at everything I tried to do that day!) We didn’t have any tortilla shells, so turning the dish into enchiladas was not an option. So, I decided to just go for it.
I love chick peas, particularly in home made hummus, but in chili??
I threw in a can of drained chick peas. Then I added some chopped squash and zucchini, cumin and other seasonings, and threw it in the microwave.
And waited.
Finally, it was done.
I opened the lid and smelled. Smelled good. Chopped up a bunch of cilantro for good measure, and threw it in there. (I think cilantro is a magic herb for making just about anything southwestern taste yummers!) and this is what I had before me:
I’m not sure if that picture makes it look better or worse… but I will tell you, that with enough cheese and sour cream, it really tasted fine. The problem was the texture. Chick peas and Great Northern Beans are quite different in texture.
Needless to say, the kids started to cry when they saw what was for dinner. For once, I didn’t even make them take a “no thank you bite.”
They ate macaroni and cheese for dinner.
My husband choked down a bowl of it, good soul that he is. It would be a great recipe with the right beans!
This is how life goes for me.
I try to do the right things, make good decisions, and do well by my children. But somewhere along the line, it all seems to go haywire.
Maybe you can relate?
If you have similar days, you want to check out The Mother of All Meltdowns: A Bunch of Hot Mamas Losing their Cool. About real life moments and how they kick us in the pants sometimes.
But luckily, we have each other to fall back on, right?
I’d love to hear your cooking disaster stories! Or any “worst mommy” meltdown moments. In fact, you can visit a whole bunch of ladies talking about their Meltdowns at the Mother of All Meltdowns.
katbiggie
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Tamara says
January 5, 2014 at 5:31 pmI can relate. I’m a..terrible cook. Dreadful. And when I try, it’s laughable. And I can bake well, but it takes me three times longer than it should. And I can fold towels as well as my husband (nearly) but it takes 20 minutes and I’m breathless when I’m done. It’s just sad.
I give you kudos because you seemed to have gotten a lot farther than I ever have.
Tamara recently posted…Looking Back and Looking Ahead.
katbiggie says
January 5, 2014 at 5:39 pmWe would be two peas in a pod… I really hate all things domestic. I can tell when I’m doing a really bad job because my husband will come behind me and clean. Some of us were just not meant to be that way! 🙂
Janine Huldie says
January 5, 2014 at 5:34 pmRight now, I am hiding in the bedroom, because I have made 3 different things for dinner having my niece and nephew over s well and nothing is pleasing Lily. I swear that kid and her picky eating ways will be the death of me yet. So, yup feeling like worst mommy here also and meltdown mode might be happening at any moment. At leaf my dinner is savage with Taco Chili and Texmati rice awaiting.
Janine Huldie recently posted…New Year’s Thankful Things & Wrap-Up, Too!
katbiggie says
January 5, 2014 at 5:39 pmHa ha ha I can see you hiding in the bathroom, biting your nails thinking “How can I stay in here til she just goes to sleep???”I feel your pain!
Stephanie @ CrayonMarks&TigerStripes says
January 5, 2014 at 8:08 pmBeen there!!! We all have days where everything that can go wrong does! I have to say that picture of your daughter with the photograph is absolutely precious. I don’t think it’s morbid at all. You are such a wonderful mommy and I believe it is soooo important for young ones that have encountered loss to be able to place those loved ones in their memory. As their parents, we can help our young ones remember the ones that were lost through photographs and stories etc. I think you are doing a great thing by honoring her twin and you are embedding her precious sister into her heart. I can’t imagine how hard that must be.
I get you on the meltdown…we all have those days. And yours was definitely blogpost worthy! 😉 But girl, you are a wonderful mother! Remember that!!!
katbiggie says
January 6, 2014 at 2:49 pmYou are so very sweet. Thank you for taking the time to write all of that and tell me those things. It truly lifted my spirits! xoxo
another jennifer says
January 5, 2014 at 8:49 pmOh, Alexa. You did a whole lot more than I would do in the kitchen. I only cook during tax season and that’s because I have no choice! Luckily my husband knows my limits and buys things (or prepares them) that are easy enough for me to cook while he’s working late. And I hate baking. And baked good for that matter. I also hire someone to clean my house every two weeks. So, yeah. I’m not exactly a domestic goddess. 🙂
another jennifer recently posted…Philanthropy Friday: Naked Specs Reveals Itself
katbiggie says
January 6, 2014 at 2:48 pmThe first time I read this, I thought you wrote “I only cook during sex season…” I did a double take. Your husband is a dear. I wish mine could be a little more like that. I think all of us ladies who love to work are domestically challenged! 🙂
Ilene says
January 5, 2014 at 10:14 pmFirst of all, LOVE the birthday shoot! Just love it! And dinner? I can’t tell you how many times I’ve broken dinner . I’ve actually done chili with chick peas in a way that’s palatable, but was following a recipe! When I go into the kitchen without a plan, it’s always a meltdown! And your hubs is the best for eating some of that! LOL!
katbiggie says
January 6, 2014 at 2:47 pmI love that. “Broken dinner.” I wouldn’t be so hard on myself if JDB didnt have such high expectations and didn’t give me such a hard time when I don’t do well. Apparently when you become a SAHM, you’re also magically supposed to turn into a gourmet chef and organized person. NOT. So he may have eaten some, but I heard a lot about it…
Chris Carter says
January 5, 2014 at 11:05 pmUm… did you hear about the mom who made a simple GRILLED CHEESE without THE CHEESE?
Enough said.
😉
Chris Carter recently posted…Devotional Diary: Building My Fortress of Faith
katbiggie says
January 6, 2014 at 2:46 pmbwahahaha!!! That takes the cake! Oh, no one tells us how much mommyhood will fry your brain!!!
thedoseofreality says
January 6, 2014 at 8:24 amI so related to this entire post! I am a terrible stay-at-home mother for all the reasons you shared! The photo shoot is adorable and the picture on the couch…amazing. And thank you for the shout-out to our post!-Ashley
thedoseofreality recently posted…Top 10 Ways You Know You Are Definitely In New York City!
katbiggie says
January 6, 2014 at 2:45 pmSo many reasons why we need to get together again soon! Thanks so much, and you are welcome. I try to give shoutouts whenever I can!
Lisa @ The Golden Spoons says
January 6, 2014 at 1:43 pmI so get this! I like to cook, but I am certainly not gourmet about it and I have had my fair share of disasters in the kitchen. We have really been struggling lately with my 6 year old who is uber picky. She lives on mac & cheese, chips, pizza, pasta, and absolutely nothing that is remotely healthy (unless you consider fries a vegetable.) In the past several weeks, she has gone to bed hungry on several occasions because she refused to even take one bit of dinner. One the one hand, I think it makes me a good mom for not giving in and letting her have a “snack” before bed. However, on the other hand I feel like the worst mom ever for sending my kid to bed hungry. My husband tries to make me feel better by saying “well, it’s not because you didn’t offer her anything to eat. It’s her choice.” Doesn’t really help, though!
Lisa @ The Golden Spoons recently posted…Sunday Supper – White Chicken Chili
katbiggie says
January 6, 2014 at 2:44 pmIf it makes you feel any better, I am proud of you for sticking with it. If she gets hungry enough, she’ll learn to eat what you feed her. We went through the same issue last year. My kids wouldn’t want to eat dinner, and they didn’t feel too compelled to do so because they got a snack. So we made a new rule. You don’t have to eat your dinner, but no snack unless you eat what hubs and I agree is an appropriate amount. It only took a few times before we got them to start eating more. They are required a no thank you bite of everything I serve, but I also remember that when I was six, squash made me gag, and brussel sprouts were the nastiest thing in the world… so I don’t push them too hard. They just have to try. I hope you make some progress with her soon, and don’t feel guilty!
Allie says
January 7, 2014 at 10:46 amOh I can solo relate. I’m also a SAHM who can barely cook, doesn’t clean and some days (read: most) I feel like all I do is scream at my twin boys and put them in time out. Fail, fail, fail. Sometimes it happens day after day but I’m always trying my best and that’s all any of us can do.
My heart broke with the picture of Tiny kissing her twins picture. I can’t imagine what it did to YOUR heart. Sending love your way!!! As far as I can tell, you’re a super mama!
Allie recently posted…The Rundown
katbiggie says
January 7, 2014 at 10:52 amAwww, thank you for the very sincere reply! You know it was weird… it made me sad and yet it also made my heart swell because she remembers her and loves her. And I don’t want us to ever be without Kathryn.
Lindsay says
January 9, 2014 at 4:38 pmGrate the zucchini before freezing and it will be easy to use in baking and cooking! 🙂
Just stumbled on your blog today. Thank you for sharing your story…
katbiggie says
January 9, 2014 at 4:40 pmThank you very much for that advice! I will be sure to do it that way next time!