Despite the title, I am not some kind of crazy cat lady. I don’t even have a cat. But I did. And those were glorious days. At least as I remember them.
Now I have three young children and a rambunctious puppy, who once set our kitchen on fire. Often I find myself thinking back to the simplicity of scooping kitty litter and cleaning up fur balls, compared to the daily madness of motherhood. Of course, I love my children. In between wiping butts, swiping snot, making my son scrub off his war plans that he drew in chalk on the neighbor’s house (!!) and scrubbing crayon off the walls, washing seven tons of laundry and being stuck in clean up purgatory, who doesn’t just adore the heck out of those little gifts of joy and everything that comes with raising them???
I think we can all agree that mothering is a tough gig.
If only my kids could be more like cats. Just imagine with me for a minute what life would be like if they were.
8 Ways I Wish My Kids Were More Like Cats
- No potty training. You just set those little fur balls in their litter box, and they magically figure it out. Yes, there may be an accident here or there, a pissed off spray out of the blue one day, or a “missed the box” incident, but in general, kitties are litter box trained almost immediately. None of this potty training nightmare that can go on for days, weeks, months. No pull ups at night and bed wetting incidents. How awesome would it be to set a kid on the potty once or twice and boom? Done. Most cats even cover it up after they poop. And they don’t need their butts wiped … usually.
- No picky eaters. You put the food in the cat’s bowl and the cat eats it. True, they may yowl for tuna or other yummy tasting treats, but there are no food strikes because they don’t want to try the veggies. In fact, it’s usually the opposite. They beg and cry just to be given food. Ahhh. The thought of no dinner time battles.
- Nap time is a breeze. Have you ever seen a cat fight a nap? Not once. Never. Those little boogers will nap all day AND sleep all night. Sure, sometimes they are up for a little night time game of “attack the toes” but, for the most part, it’s sleepy-sleepy. Mama needs some kids who sleep like cats.
- No mauling. Generally speaking, cats are happy with a little loving here and there, and then go on about their own business. There is no hanging off of you as you try to empty the dishwasher, no scaling you like a rock climbing wall while you’re trying to apply your makeup, and rarely any crawling up in your lap when it’s 180 degrees outside and you just want to sit alone. Cats come to you for loving periodically throughout the day, and then ignore you the rest of the time. Not that I want zero interaction with my children, but a little less need and more independence would be… magical.
- Cats don’t bicker. Sure, they get in spats with the neighborhood strays, but there are no daily battles over toys, screaming that they hate each other, and tattling on each other for hitting or saying naughty words.
- They don’t ask for expensive toys or trendy clothes. In fact, they don’t ask for toys or clothes at all. Oh, speaking of clothes… there would be NO clothes to wash!
- Independence to do my own thing for a day, or a week. Cats can be left for a week or two at a time. Just put out an extra litter box, a couple bowls of food and water, and those little critters will be absolutely fine when you come back from your little adventure 10 days later. And pet services won’t be waiting for you upon your return. Before you send child services knocking, I don’t really want to leave my kids alone.
- The cats leave me to pee alone. Enough said.
As I think about it, there are relatively few annoying things that a cat does that the kids don’t also do.
Children and cats both:
- Pee in random places
- Whine loudly
- Crawl on me in bed
- Project vomit, snot, and other nasty bodily fluids wherever they feel like
There are some sweet things the children will always have a leg up on. My (notional) cats will never tell me they love me.
My cats will never tell me I’m the best mother in the world or squeeze me with delicious little hugs.
My cats will never grab my cheeks with chubby little hands and plant kisses all over my face, nor will they ever lapse into one of those delightfully infectious giggle fits.
The cats will never be quite as fun as watching kids learn and grow.
Furthermore, the kids will eventually be potty trained, but that litter box will have to be scooped forever.
Have you joined our #LosetheCape movement yet? We’re real moms just encouraging you to be the kind of mom that best suits YOUR needs. No “supermoms” here! (Unless that’s what best suits you, and if that’s the case, own that cape!)
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